Man of the Match | DaiSuga

Chapter 13

CW/TW: Scopophobia (the fear of being stared at) and bullying.

Sugawara POV : 

The last few days have been concerning, it isn't me imagining it, people are definitely talking about me. I don't know the context, or why but I can't make this up. Eyes follow me to my classes and people seem to stop and stare as if I'm on display. On some grand pedestal I didn't ask to be put on. Whenever I mention it to Asahi or Daichi they both shrug it off, saying everything is ok - but even their masks are beginning to fall. I've caught them snooping around behind my back, or sharing whispers between one another. It seems like everyone is in the loop except for me! 

It's Thursday, we've only been back four days so how am I already the topic of something and why am I the only one unaware. My friends are becoming distant, people are constantly following me, I can't cope. I laid staring at my ceiling after another draining day at school. Why won't the people I hold closest at least tell me what's going on? Interactions at practice were seeming a little hit and miss, people treading on glass around me - acting like I'm porcelain. The normal jokes had stopped or at least greatly decreased, what did I do?

I felt tears prick at the corner of my eyes, a sense of betrayal cut me deep and I couldn't even think of anything to blame but myself. I pulled out my phone and looked at the oddly quiet group chat.

3rd Years Bitches

Yes I created the chat name, and no I won't let anyone change it.

You : Hey guys, can I ask you something?

I could see both of them begin typing, the three dots lighting up the bottom of my screen as I patiently waited. 

Jesus : Sure

Captain Crunch: Fire away

I sighed, unsure how to word anything. Why are you ignoring me? Have I done something wrong? I know you're being dishonest so tell me the truth. Every thought I had felt so harsh and it was aimed towards my best friends. This shouldn't be happening.

You : Why have you been acting weird?

Very open question, I aren't exactly pinpointing what they're doing that upsets me. I guess having a backbone in these situations isn't one of my strong suits... I watched as the chat bubbles began to appear, waiting for a response. Why am I hanging on their every word, being lead along like a puppy. 

Captain Crunch : What you mean?

I scoffed at it, really playing stupid doesn't suit him. I knew for a fact it didn't take him three minutes of consistent typing to send those three words. So the lying continues I guess. I wasn't sure how to further my question and with Asahi remaining silent and Daichi acting stupid the conversation seemed lack-luster. 

Jesus : You ok Suga?

At least that reply felt genuine, reading it I felt more tears brimming in the corners of my eyes. I don't know, am I ok? What am I even doing? A sob fell into my room, it's late I shouldn't be crying this loud yet I couldn't stop myself. 

Captain Crunch : Suga?

Minutes passed as I laid there looking at my screen, not sure how to reply or what to say. 

Captain Crunch : Koshi?

So now you pull out the first name, as if you care. You avoid me between lessons, vanish for half of lunch with no explanation, constantly sneak around behind my back since we returned to school and now you're acting like you care? I felt disgusted in myself for lacking faith in him, but there was truth to my hurt.

You : Sorry guys, don't worry about it - think my meds need changing again. 

Lame excuse and you know it, I don't have the energy to fight with them. Maybe tomorrow will be ok?  They're probably just stressed being back in school themselves... yes tomorrow will be better.

I fell asleep shortly after hoping that I would be right, that tomorrow would be a new day- hoping after Friday we could go back to our normal routine of Saturday sleepovers and lazy days together. Maybe I'm just paranoid.

I woke up early, earlier than my alarm but despite the dark morning and the time reading 6:15am. I had a message from Daichi - ditching me for the third morning in a row. "Great." I moaned to myself sitting up in bed, not bothering to fall back asleep because I knew my racing thoughts wouldn't let me. I knew he wasn't opening up the gym since Tanaka had taken the keys with the intention of trying to help the first years get some practice in for their game on Saturday. So why am I being left out? It always seemed to be me falling behind, at least it had always felt that way. Excluding myself from situations to hide a filthy secret. Maybe they'd just had enough of it. Maybe my excuses are waring off and they're bored of the lies. You brought this on yourself Koshi. The venomous thought leaking into my mind, unwanted and unannounced. 

"So it's going to be one of those days today..." I mumbled before dropping Daichi a message.

You: Feeling off, will probably miss morning practice - I'll meet you at lunch tho x

Daichi : No worries, gotta look after yourself. Make sure you share your mochi with me x

I smiled, he remembered that I always being mochi in my lunch on Thursdays. The small comment made me smile but it wasn't enough to shake away the doubt that had burrowed itself into my brain. 

The morning seemed to float on by, people staring, people whispering and yet I was still none the wiser. A punchline of some joke no one had bothered to tell me. Until someone stopped me on my way to Daichi's class.

"Hey Sugawara, remember me?" 

I turned around to see a new face, someone I maybe vaguely recognised in passing but no one I knew.

"No sorry, do I know you?" I asked back offering a smile. Should I know you? He simply grinned back at me before pulling a wicked grin. I don't like the look of that smile, it's hiding something, some sort of power behind it. I kept my composure, waiting for a response.

He held out his hand for me to shake, it seemed unfriendly and informal despite my gut feeling I took the hand and shook it lightly. "We were in junior high together, but I think you had a different name back then, longer hair, larger chest..." He continued to list changed I'd undergone as the world around me felt like it was crashing, people were looking and all I could do was stand there. "It was Hana Sugawara back then right?" He asked, the final nail in my coffin. My words wouldn't come out, in fact my mouth couldn't formulate anything all I could do was stand there looking stunned.

"How do you know?" I didn't register it was me that had spoken until I heard it aloud, despite him being smaller than me - something that wasn't common - I felt him towering over me, like a person ready to squash a bug.

"I aren't sure who started it, but it's all anyone is talking about." He tilted his head feigning innocence, "Didn't you know?"