Atlantis // DNF

Midnights and secrets don't go together

George's POV

I said way too much. I WAY too much. He knows, he knows and this is it. This is the end of everything i have ever known and i can't do anything about it. I let myself, i can't even blame him, because I was the one who let myself. I should have stopped.

It was half an hour after i had left the call. Dream called once, he sent a text message and then nothing.

I said too much.

Sapnap was still streaming and i decided to send him a message, apologising and saying i'll call him tomorrow.

Quackity had joined him and he was laughing, i should be there, Dream should be there. Instead i fucked up. I fucked up big time.

I felt myself crying again, the water around me making little waves as my body shook. Tears made my vision go all blurry, so i let my eyes fall closed and seconds later the sounds of world disappeared. It was so quiet but so calming. Underwater had some type of sound that made my thoughts follow my body and go numb. I could hear everything and nothing, I wanted more of that.

My phone was on the floor, sapnap's stream still open, time by time i could hear them laugh but that was one of the sounds i didn't mind.

When my body hit the surface again i realised how long i have been holding my breath, my lungs filled up with air as i breathed in loudly. I took a second, falling back in the side of the bathtub, spilling water.

The second that the thoughts came running back, i felt my back slide down until i hit the water again, thinking that escape has never felt this calming.

It was late at night, around 1am when my phone started ringing again. I was in my bedroom, editing a video.

Incoming call
Sapnap ;q

"Hi"

"Hey, George"

"Hi"

"How are you?"

"I'm fine, how are you?"

"Good, i'm good."

And just like that it went quiet. What the actual fuck is this small talk.

"You wanted something?"

"Oh yea, right, what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just left. And then Dream did too. He came back just to say goodbye and he sounded terrible."

"Oh."

That was a part i don't remember.

"What do you mean terrible?"

"Just terrible. So what happened?"

It's 1:25 am, my thoughts are gone and i don't think i know how to bring them back. I said too much and that is all i know. He is falling and it's with someone else. He cares but not like that, he wants to know but he is not ready. I'm not ready.

"I'm not really sure. I was thinking and then he was calling, i was in my bathroom and the water was running. I don't know how i got there but i was on the floor and everything was shaking. I couldn't pick up the phone and i couldn't breathe. And he just kept calling. And then i picked up the phone and said way too much. I hate when i say way too much, i should have just shut up but i didn't and he kept asking and i couldn't run from it, i had to say something."

"What did you say?"

"Dumb things that i should have never said."

"Tell me."

"I regretted them once, why would i do it twice?"

"Because this time you are talking to me, it's not Dream, you are not telling him about your thoughts. You are telling me and that is different. Maybe not better but different."

"I don't know what to say."

"You do. You just don't know how to. If it makes it easier, then i already know. I know what you want to say, i just want you to say it. So say it."

"Sapnap?"

"Yes George?"

"I don't know what i am, i don't know what i'm trying to do or where i'm going. I know i'm doing something and i don't know if it's good or bad, i'm not even really sure what it is. I know i'm feeling something and it's scary, i don't like it but i need it to stay, it makes me feel things."

"Go ahead."

"I don't know what i am Sapnap, i just know that i'm not straight. I wish i could be, i wish it would be easy but it's not, it's so far from easy that i can't even imagine how it could ever be. I wish i could look at you and just say it but i can't, it's so easy when i can't actually see you but there are so many people who would see me. So i'm telling you this only because i know you wouldn't tell anyone else. I trust you Sap."

"Good job, Gogy. That was really good. I'm proud of you! You know, you don't need to be something, it's fine to just do what feels right. And i don't know what you told Dream or what he said, but it must have felt right."

"I actually said it. Oh my god."

"You did!"

"You knew it would happen, you didn't actually know what i would say, am i right?"

"That you are."

"How did you know?"

"I don't know anything, i just know that it's midnight and you are up, i know that you are thinking and Dream is wondering, i know that something happened and it is going to have consequences. I also know that midnights and secrets don't go together, so i think you should call him. Say what feels right."

"Maybe in another life."