Atlantis // DNF

My bedroom walls must be drowning

I opened my eyes, searching the room for something. It was painted golden, making it look almost magical. Finally my brain registered the sound of my alarm, signalling me to wake up.

My phone was in the sheets, next to my pillow. The memories of last nigh started flowing back and i felt myself grow more embarrassed by the second.

Does Sapnap think i'm weird? Is he worried? Does he think that much too, is that why he knew what to say? Could he sleep after that? Is he awake? Is he streaming? Is Dream there? Will I talk to him? Did Sapnap tell him that i called yesterday? Did he care, did he feel worried? Does he care? Does he feel something? Does he think too? Does he think about me?

Dream:
Hey, you up?

George:
Yea :)

Dream:
Good, Sapnap started the stream twenty minutes ago, we could join now

George:
Can you join now? I need a second, get everything together

Dream:
Of course, i'll wait for you though :)

George:
Thank you

Is a heart too much? Would a heart be too much? Would he find it weird? Maybe he would laugh about it, maybe he would block me. He could make fun of me about it on stream and tease me every possible chance he could get. After all, this is just a joke. Us flirting and being something besides friends is just a joke.

How does it come that i'm supposed to be getting myself together and i just keep tearing myself further apart?

I felt the cold ground hit my feet, soon after i was making my way to the bathroom. The mirror said too much, the tear left stains on my red cheeks said way too much. Messy hair and bitten lips said too much. Most of them all, the tired eyes said more than words ever could. In conclusion, i looked awful. I didn't have time to take a shower so i settled on washing my face with cold water.

My clothes were fine, no one was gonna see me anyway, but i still made my way over to the closet and chose a dark sweater.

George:
Ready?

Dream:
Ok, join vc?

George:
Ok

I had Sapnaps stream opened in front of me, his voice was calmingly talking with Karl and laughing about dirty jokes.

It felt too much like last night, too much like i had woken him up from sleep, just to freak him out and then leave him hanging without saying thank you. Not a single thing. Nothing. All because of a stupid snap.

As i though about the number and letter line i looked at the paper on my desk.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1Fid2jjqsHViMX6xNH70hE?si=mNDopGhZQByG4FlnoFcc4w

What have i come to? Why the fuck do i care? Why the fuck do i care so god damn much?

"Actually he should be here by now, i don't know where he is."

Dreams voice brings so much thinking. There he is, just doing his thing, talking, being a human, existing, and making me fall apart by doing just that. He must feel so exhausted if he would know. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he knows how much power he has of me, making me fall apart just like that.

"Oh, give him a text? He's probably asleep."

Sapnap's voice brings so much calmness, bringing me back down to earth. Taking me by my legs and making me stand on my own feet. Making my breathing steady, my mind calmer, my thoughts slower. I wonder if he will tell them. I know he wouldn't, but i mean would he smile and tell them as much as 'he calls me in middle of the night when he is thinking too much' just to put everyone else in their place when they get cocky.