Gangster in Love - Camren

34

There's nothing. It's endless. A yawning chasm, stretching out further and further until there's nothing but blank space. "This can't be happening." My own voice sounds faint. It's like hearing myself through a tin-can telephone. Lolo would never leave me. This has to be a mistake. Maybe someone hot-wired the car, but that wouldn't explain Lauren's gun right there in front of me.

For an instant, I think Lauren herself was kidnapped alongside her precious car... yeah as if anyone could take Lo against her will. I almost start giggling hysterically at the mental image. So I clap both my hands over my mouth, trembling uncontrollably as my eyes start to burn. She did it. She actually left me behind. As much as I want to, there's no time to give in to despair.

I suck it up, literally, and take a huge breath until I stop hyperventilating. I take her gun, sprinting away from the docks. There's a chance Lauren might come back, but I can't hang around where Austin's gang might stumble upon me. 'Think. Calm down and work your way through this, Superbrain' But my memory quirk is just that, a quirk. It doesn't make me smarter than other people, doesn't make me tougher.

"Where the hell do I go?" all I can think of is how much I want to be home, with Lauren. She's the only person who can always cheer me up. Lauren believes in me, gambles millions of dollars on me because she KNOWS I'm special. "It's gonna be a long walk..." I try to focus on that, taking one dogged step after as I trudge just past the highway.

Dropped my phone after calling Shawn... can't call a cab, can't call the gang... My face burns with shame at the thought. Slowing my steps, I pause, listening to the nighttime noises of the black ocean next to me. "What am I going to say when I get there?" what if Lauren isn't there? Or worse, she IS, and she pretends nothing happened? Of all things, I remember Lucy. That irritating grin, pretending this situation in so many words. Lauren doesn't need me right now, so she tossed me aside.

"No matter which way you slice it, that's what happened." Fury hardens my heart and I start walking again, heading towards the mansion, if for no other reason than to pack my bags and leave. "I guess trying to hitchhike is out of the question." The roads are empty, almost disturbingly so. And I don't want to risk the occasional car that roars by...

Until one screeches to a halt, so hard the tires mark the road. All I can see are burning red brake lights until it furiously reverses, sloppily parking just a few feet from me.

"Camz?!" Lauren leaves the engine running, hopping over the back seat and skidding past the trunk to run over to me.

"Lauren?!"

"Oh, thank god! I was looking everywhere for you!"

My ribs threaten to crack from how hard she hugs me, nearly knocking me over the guardrail and onto the beach below. She holds me at arm's length, smiling so brilliantly that I can't help but stammer. "I...I was looking for you, too!"

There's a split second of happiness, bliss as she holds me and kisses me over and over again. "I'm so sorry, I went back but you were gone, and then I thought maybe Austin had taken you so I was gonna get the gang..."

Wait. I push her further away from me, anger storming back into me like a storm cloud. "You left me!" I expect an excuse, a real reason. Even now I hold out hope that this is all just some huge misunderstanding, that I should have more faith in Lauren.

"...I... didn't mean to."

My vision goes red. "Oh, okay! You didn't mean to! That makes it all better, right?!"

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I can't believe you, Lo! I don't even know what to say right now."

"Come on, you weren't there when I went back. This wouldn't have happened if.."

"No, this wouldn't have happened if you had just LISTENED to me. You abandoned me! Do you have any idea what that feels like?!" We both freeze. But then I plow on ahead, absolutely livid. She off all people should know better! How could she do this to me?! "Now I understand why Chris wanted you out of here..." because you only care about what YOU want and you don't care who you hurt to get it! Her expression drops faster than a steel trap. Perfectly neutral, Lauren stares blankly at me, waiting. My head is still throbbing, my blood hot. At this moment I realize the only thing I want to do is hurt her. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and exhaling slowly. "Take me home." Arms crossed, I march around her and plant myself in the back seat.

Lauren doesn't say another word, driving me away.

--

The mansion doesn't bring me any peace. I see the glittering lights and my stomach sours. Turning around, Lauren lifts her eyebrows up. I cut her off before she can ask questions. "I don't even want to look at your face right now." Hopping out the car, I veer away from the front door and head towards the cabanas.

The clean white linen is cool against my heated skin. I lie on my back, hand hanging off the side as I glare angrily up at the roof. The idea of going inside and facing Lauren keeps me out for hours. I'm too tired to do anything except stew.

Clicking nails and heavy steps alert me to Thunder's presence, excited to see me home. "Over here, boy." Thunder woofs as I absentmindedly stroke his head, letting him hop up onto the cabana with me. My dog rests his head on my lap and sighs in contentment.

"Hey." Sitting up at the sound of Lauren's voice, I try to muster up something other than a glare for her. "Went out and got this." She tosses me a cellphone, and I catch it with one hand. "Found you other one broken at the docks."

"I said I wanted to be alone."

"Yeah, I know." Lauren turns her head, not wanting me to see her sad expression. "I'll get out of here. Just wanted to tell you the room's all yours." She sounds tired. "I'll bunk in the casino downstairs, so you don't have to stay out here to avoid me.

I stay quiet. Shrugging, Lauren turns to leave. It hurts. This isn't helping either of us. My heart lurches, agonizing. Moving quickly, I get off the cabana. Grabbing her by her wrist before she can take another step. "No." stepping closer, I wrap my arms around her waist, my face pressed to the center of her back. "I can't sleep in that big bed without you."

Lauren twists around so that she can hug me properly. Being held like this makes most of my tension melt away, Lauren's love washing over me in waves. "It's whatever you want, baby. Just let me know."

My anger is a thin shell. I think I knew it, too, knew that the second I relaxed it would shatter just like this. Uncontrollably, my body shakes. I fight it with every fiber of my being, trying not to lose it, not to show weakness. "Lo..." Lauren tilts my head up. Her lips are impossibly soft, my name a whisper against my mouth. It all comes spilling out and I start to cry, chest hitching with sobs, harder than I've cried in years. "Please don't leave me alone again."

Her arms lock tight around me, palm stroking down the center of my back. The tears just won't stop no matter how hard I fight. "I won't. I'm sorry... God, I'm so sorry." She lets me cry, understanding that it's about more than what happened today. It's like I'm bleeding dry, alternating between fury and pent-up sadness, everything I never dare express. "I don't know what to say to fix this..." I hiccup, still stuck to her. She wipes at my tears as best as she can, kissing me and murmuring sweet nothings into my ear. "Do you still love me?" she sounds genuinely worried but prepared for whatever answer.

"I do love you. I'm mad at you but I still love you so much I can't stand it." Stepping back, I rub my face on my sleeves, trying to keep it together. "Tell me it'll never happen again."

"it won't. Not even as an accident." She doesn't even pause to think, earnestly taking both my hands in hers.

"After my parents... There was no one, do you understand? I didn't have anyone. Everyone else is dead or gone, and there's nobody I can trust to not hurt me anymore." I say "Not even you."

"No. I CAN be that person for you. I'll clean up my act. No more crazy stunts, and no more drinking either. I'll prove it to you, somehow." She promises me, kissing my forehead. I let her hold me again, exhausted from my tears. "I don't know how, but I will."