The start of the end

22. Not everything is about you

LILY'S POV

We met with Professor Mcgonagall after dinner. A long talk about how we shouldn't attack each others, especially in these dark times. I have to admit that I haven't listened a lot, I was so mad at Severus that my attention was focused on my anger the whole time. I know I shouldn't. I know I should've listened. I have high respect for Professor Mcgonagall. But I couldn't just believe that Severus, my first friend just attached Peter. All of it because of jealousy.

From Sirius' sigh and dramatic yellings, I understood we will have detention each Saturdays afternoons for a month.

Now, we are on our way to the common room to tell the others what happened and why we were late for classes.

" I can't believe he did that, " sighs Zoe.

Julia stands up, " Ok I need to kick some jerk's ass, I'll be right back, " but Marlene takes her by the elbow to sit her right back on the couch.

" No one is going to kick anyone's ass, " adds Remus.

" For how long will Peter be in the hospital wing ? " asks Mary.

" He shouldn't stay for long, but I think Madam Pomfrey wants to be sure he is alright before he leaves, " answers James.

Zoe stands up, " I need to go for a walk. " And she leaves us without another word.

ZOE'S POV

I am looking for Regulus now. I need to talk to him about Severus' behavior. I enter in the library first. He is sitting on his chair, sipping black hot coffee, he looks up as he takes notice I am here while I say on the chair in front of him. My heart is beating with the run I just made and with the anger I am feeling.

" Regulus! What the hell is wrong with your friend? "
" Hello Mckinnon," he grins.

I fold my arms.

" Sorry, what friend ? " He frowns.

" Snape, " I answer dryly

" He's not my friend! "

" Ok then, how do you feel about it ? "

" Like he didn't brag about it... "

" About what ? "

" He attacked Peter ! Because HE was a dick to Lily, and Slughorn told Peter to go sit with her instead of Snape, so NOW Peter is in the hospital wing ! "

Madam Pince glares at us. He grabs me kindly with the elbow and takes me outside of the library.

" Well ? " I ask.

" I don't know... "

I sigh.

" What do you want from me exactly, Zoe ? " he asks a raised eyebrow.

" I just..., I want your opinion about this. "

" Why is that ? "

" I just want to know. "

" Well, I don't have an opinion, but it's clear Snape shouldn't have done that. What do you expect for answer ? "

I sigh, " Look sometimes you're this guy I can trust. We can talk and having fun. And sometimes, you're just closing yourself up. Usually, I know what I can talk about with one people or another. What I cannot talk to them about. To know who they are within ? I usually have this ability and with you... it's just argh ! I can't ! I just can't ! I am just trying to understand you... who you really are... "

" It'd already be nice enough if I could understand who I am before being able to answer you, don't you think ? " he says in a sharp voice.

I didn't expected such a reaction. It frozens me. So he keeps speaking.

- Is it why you're here, then ? Just because you're curious about me, because I am the little curiosity of the moment Miss Mckinnon is trying to figure out ? Trying to understand, 'cuz that's what you like.Not because you care about Peter.

" I... It was because I care about Peter in the first place, and I wanted to talk to you about it. I don't know why, but when something happens I like to talk to you about it because you always have these interesting and well-thoughts answers... and it's just now that I realise that I don't know what I can talk to you about, what you care to talk about. "

" You don't deny I am just just a curiosity to you, then ? "

" I didn't know how to answer to that because it's utter bullshit ! I come talking to you because I care about you and I like your opinion about situations ! And you're nice to me and- look it's driving me crazy to not completely understand your personnality.

" Everything's not about you Mckinnon, just know that. See ya, " he concludes turning his back on me.

" Wait ! "

I am trying to keep up, but he keeps walking away from me.

" Don't turn your back on me ! "

" I should have turned my back on you weeks ago already ! We're not meant to know eachothers ! "

And just like that, I stop walking and I let him go. I feel my heart falling in my chest, shattering itself. Once he's really gone, I fall against the wall. I break down and start to cry. Why am I so nosy ? And selfish ? I didn't even think about how he would feel about what I said before saying it Why do I always have to figure everything out even if it can hurt people? Why have I done this ? Why am I so impulsive ? Why am I like this ?

I am tired, so tired. Of classes, of studying, of stressing for lives out there of people I know or don't. I just want to close my eyes and wake up in a hundred years when all of this is over. I want to wake up and be wiser, not this selfish, nosy teenage girl. I am sitting against the wall. I am overwhelmed by everything. The sun has set. It must be past 10pm. Little by little, I am crying myself to sleep, sitting against that wall of the library hallway.

______

Liana is going to kill me for this but well-

I hope you guys enjoyed this angsty chapter anyways :D

I do not post as often as I used to I am sorry. My inspiration starts to lack.

Anyways, I hope everyone is good <3