chapter 49 - letters

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Natashas letters

Amara,
Life sucks without you, i got sick the first time since i was with you and i waited for you to come check on me and bring me soup before shoving medicine down my throat because you didn't want to fight with me while i was sick. That was painful. I'm still figuring life out without you, how to function now that i don't have you here with me. Lennox, Steve, and Scarlett moved back to their house i can't blame them being in the complex is hard but i'm alone yet again. They said i could move back with them but i still have to go on missions. They come visit at least once a day, it's been four years since i lost you and everyone else that was my family. I'm in pain and i'm not sure how to escape it.

All love,
Natasha Romanoff

Lennox's letters

Amara,
God i hate you, i love you but at this moment i know you are laughing at me from heaven. I'm struggling, being strong is a full time job and i don't have the energy to be anymore it's been four years, i still can't fathom the loss of anyone. Every time i find somethings s i really want to show you i go to shout your name but i remember you aren't going to come running to me. I wish Scarlett got to meet her aunt, she's one amazing kid. At four she's so smart and has so much of Steve and my personality, she isn't our blood but that doesn't make her any less our kid. She loves playing doctor and trying to diagnose me when i have my allergies, i hope she will become a doctor like you. Like her aunt Amara. I miss you more than anything.

Love your sister and best friend,
Lennox Francesca "Dance machine" Rogers

My daughter Wanda,
I don't know where to start, i need you. I need my hero and daughter because you saved me many times. I miss you calling me your weird nicknames in the sokovian accent. I miss the nights you would kick Steve out of bed to cuddle with me because you had a bad dream or you just wanted to be with me. Scarlett, my daughter and your sister, she does it but she will kick me out instead of Steve or she just lays in the middle and pushes both of us out of bed. I named her after your superhero name well partially her name is Natasha Scarlett Jane Rogers, it's a long name but it has all of my favorite girls in the name. I could use a movie night with you and you could help me with trying to not kill Clint for reaching out to me in four years. He's alive but no one will tell me anything about where he is or what he is doing.

I have been having these angry rages, where i set things on fire on accident i'm scared to touch Scarlett or Steve so i've been wearing gloves and trying to control my anger but it's hard. Remember the time we went to an under water pokey and you called me mom for the first time, i never told you how much that meant to me. When Scarlett said dad first instead of mom i was angry slightly but i knew it didn't mean she didn't love me any less i have two amazing daughters one is my girl and Scar is a daddy's girl so when i see you again i need a hug even if it isn't for many years ahead i will still be waiting forever that hug.

love,
Lennox (mom)

Sam,
The bunkbeds need you, they are lonely without you or Bucky. Sometimes i just open the door to say goodnight to you even though you aren't there and i know you are laughing at me for sounding so much like a crazy person but i miss my boy best friend. Please come back and maybe you can help Steve and meet our daughter.

Love,
Your girl best friend

Clint,
i have no idea where the hell you are, i think someone in the facility does but they won't tell me it hurts knowing that my niece and nephews along with my sister in law are gone and my brother thinks he doesn't have any family left. You could be dead for all i know, i wouldn't have been able to say goodbye because you won't contact me, you haven't even tried.

I'm your sister and you once told me that you would be there for me always, where are you. I'm here, i'm waiting for you to come back to me so you can meet your niece and find some comfort in the family you have left. Like your brother in law, Steve, Rhodey, Your best friend Natasha, meet Rocket, find Thor because he left on his own. It would just make me feel better if i knew where you are, i'm sending this letter to your house. I know you won't read it because you aren't there because i checked multiple times, i drive there with Scarlett while Steve's on missions, i go in check the whole house and take a nap on my old bed hoping i will hear the door open and you will come back home.

You know i love you big brother, i would never leave you behind so please just check in that's all i ask. Please.

Love,
Lennox Francesca Rogers but always Barton

"What are you doing?" Steve knocked on the bedroom door holding an asleep toddler in his arms, it was these moments that Lennox felt grateful for her life.

"Nothing." She smiled as she shoved the letters into the drawer, Lennox walked over to her husband giving him a kiss.

Steve wasn't stupid he could tell she had shed some tears, but grilling her right now was not the answer.

"I was writing letters, to the Avengers who are gone. Like filling them in and telling them how much i miss them, they won't see it but it's supposed to help heal you." Lennox explained, Steve didn't even ask for an explanation but he got one. "I don't know why i tried to keep it in."

"It's okay, i wasn't going to ask." Steve replied kissing her head and wrapping his free arm around her while they walked to sit on the couch.

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