17 Missed Calls

↠60↞ With him

↠60↞

With him

"Please, Nathan!" I give him a puppy-eyed look, passing him a light volume of poems. "Just one. For me?" I plead nicely, pouting my lips.

"Fine!" He chuckles lovingly, gently yanking the book off my hands. "Which one do you want me to read, hm?" he asks softly, turning his mint eyes to me.

"Any." I roll over onto my belly, propping my elbows on his bed that we both laid down on. "Or, pick randomly." I shoot him a sunny smile, admiring his breath-taking beauty.

"Are you sure?" He chuckles again. "I'm doing it only once. It should be special, don't you think?"

"The fact that you’re doing it makes it already special."

"Oh, alright. Let’s see then," he mutters, closing the book. He then presses his adorned with a signet ring thumb against the textblock and lets some pages quickly slip from underneath it until he finally picks a random poem. "Ready?" he asks, his eyes gleam with glee. Noticing that I am, he smiles at me, clearing his throat, his voice silver when he starts reading. "Love does not end. It travels. From a place to a place. From one person to another. And just like with holidays, it only visits the moments it can afford. It baths in the sunlight of joy, gets soaked in the downpour of sadness. It dances at the festival of life, leaves at its final hour when the clock strikes death. It has no definition, yet it does have a meaning. It travels the world without the money. Sometimes it gets lost on its way to the unknown, but in the end, after a life-long journey, it finally settles at its own place. It finally finds home. It finds . . . us."

"Are you okay, darling?" my mum asks, startling me from my musing, her face distorts in concern.

"Yeah, I'm okay," I mutter, trying to shake the memory of Nathan from my head.

After seeing Will fall asleep, I slipped out of bed and made my way downstairs, knowing too well that even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to join him in the lands of dreams. When I found myself in the kitchen, my parents were out, but then as I was sat in the living room, my mother came back. Dad on the other hand, he decided to visit one of his friends and watch a football game.

"Are you sure? You seem quite upset, Davina. Did something happen between you and Will?" she asks gingerly, her green eyes are dim with worry.

For a short while I remain silent, unsure whether I want to have this conversation right now. Is my mother going to judge me if I tell her that I miss Nathan but had sex with Will? Is she going to blame me for ruining my own relationship? Or is she going to console me and tell me that it's not my fault? Do I even want her to? Or would I rather listen to her complaints about my inability to make a decision and playing two men at once, whilst neither of them deserves to be treated this way?

"Am I a horrible person? Be honest," I ask in a small voice, biting on the inside of my cheek so harshly that it almost bleeds.

"Where did this question come from?" She gapes at me, her eyes withhold shock.

"Well, that’s what I think of myself," I mutter, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa that I’m currently sat on. I feel ashamed under her inquiring look. Ashamed of loving one person and having a good time in bed with the other, who I also have got some feelings for. Is this what I’m always going to be like? Indecisive, selfish and self-centred, even though I am fully aware of it? "I just don’t think that I’m a good person, mum," I murmur under my breath, finding the courage to finally look her in the eye.

"Why would you think so?" She gives me a furrowed look.

"Well . . .  because I miss Nathan," I draw in a breath, fiddling with my fingers.