𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒, TommyInnit

- 24.

Chapter 24: Doubts.
TW: venting, doubtful thoughts, sad thoughts yk the sort.

just yesterday, she was over the moon.
now she's soaring back to the ground again.

-

she tied up the bundle gently, placing it into one of her drawers. however much she tried to ignore it, it was impossible.

what if?

- val's pov.

i couldn't possible feel anything towards him. it feels like defying the laws of the world - impossible.

what if? what if he's just pretending? what if his forgiveness is all an act just to please the media??

knock it off, val. he's not like that.
but,

what if?

there's too many possibilities. because, who would fall for me? who could look at me and decide that they're in love? am i even worthy of it, after all?? i had everything when i was younger, and i still have everything today. i never dropped from success, so why am i pitying myself? i don't need anything else, i don't deserve anything else.

what am i like this? why can't i be the person everyone wants me to be?

i clambered into bed, laying on my back to face the ceiling. what was i doing with myself? why couldn't i get over myself? it was so easy to just stop pitying myself, to stop feeling sorry for someone who has everything they'd ever need in life.

i have a streaming career, amazing best friends and so many supporters. i should be grateful. i shouldn't be sulking over a boy.

what about all the efforts? we tried so hard to get to know each other after that one game. it worked, of course, but at what price??

all those efforts and time would go down the drain. all because of two teenagers in love.

dare i even say two? i frowned, getting up again. he hated me for sure. there was no 'love' in whatever we have now; only hate. there's no way someone like him would find the good in his heart to forgive me.

not after everything i've done to him. i wouldn't be surprised if he hated my guts.

there's too much on the line here. a great friendship, a potential risk for a relationship we both know is impossible?

i sighed again. tommy was texting me.

i knew i had to do what was best; i switched off my phone. i needed to distance myself from him.

i couldn't bare seeing him upset if i stayed, i simply wasn't good enough. good enough for him.

- 3rd person.

upon turning off her phone, val stared into the empty roads outside. so much of her life was being wasted away by the day. she hated to feel sorry for herself, but sometimes she just had to. she didn't have everything, who was she kidding?

the situation wouldn't leave her mind. she hated seeing things about it, things about tubbo..everyone ignoring it like it never happened in the first place.