She is more than a fan (Completed)

Chapter 7: I'm Just Fan (part 2)

** I'm just a fan**(continued)

(The night at Pohang)

'My dopamine was activated in full swing'.

Thousands of staunch fans were huffing to get one glimpse of Junang! A sudden flair of jealousy creeped up on me. Although it was absolutely futile to dwell such emotions but the idea they could love him more than I could, devastated me.

A sore combination of denial and jealousy surged through me, elongating the misery and despondency that didn't seem to end anytime soon.

How can a fan become so possessive over an celebrity?

No way Junang would ever become aware of my existence, not even in the craziest dream but then you know, a girl can dream!

Whether it was a pleasant dream or a naked truth, Junang has successfully reserved his irreparable place in my life for this life or next.

--

(In the concert)

During the event, my heart had skipped beats zillion times. My heaven was few metres away, looking absolutely stunning. Every inch of his skin was glowing and screaming, 'kneel before me'. It was both daunting and tempting.

Junang was speaking something in Korean. Bloody hell!

Help, Dae-min, help!

My brain had ceased functioning when he strode along the front end of the stage to communicate in English. With me!

Is it really happening? So, I'm not invisible?

I suddenly felt a exultation of victory after battling down millions of impossibilities.

He soaked my parched throat with his sensuality. Oh my Jeepers!

He just ruined me for another man without even laying a finger on my body.

This shit is real. The wave is so fucking real.

Why is he so generous?

Why did he trouble himself to speak to me?

So what if I don't understand his language? Why does it matter? I'm just a fan. He should have let it that way. He shouldn't have bowed a seed of hope in my heart when millions are wreaking their lives for him.

Oh my good heaven! Is Junang coming again? Grabbing a phone he aimed to take a shot. Really? A photo? With us? Oh Goodness gracious, I was paralysed with happiness.

He abruptly slowed down his steps, froze his body and fixed his gaze weirdly at me.

--

What's that look? Why his eyes stiffened? Wait! Is he looking at my waist? What!! What's wrong? Is he sick? Is he not feeling well?

I might not be the sharpest tool in the box but I knew the 'thing' that I had witnessed in his eyes, wasn't ordinary. It was intense, real and very very personal.

A dash of anger!

A dab of jealousy!

A pinch of disappointment!

But why?

Is it because he doesn't like his female fan's involvement with other men? Oh hell!! I'm a nut-job! What kind of despicable thoughts I'm sheltering.

He must be sick! They all get sick every now and then. May be he wasn't feeling well before coming down to the stage. Oh my dearest, I feel so helpless.

--

The night after the concert was over was similar to the night when I was conferred with the approval mail by NIAS three years back. I still remember how I slept on cold damp floor, in the darkest corner of the room. It was agonising, twitching and blank.