Cote: Heartless Masterpiece? [Discontinued]

Part 8

Who am I?

This was a question I had come to this school to answer.

When I think about who I am at the most fundamental level then I am a student in my first year of high school.

I am also a son, a classmate and a friend.

But this question is more of the philosophical kind.

Who am I in society?

This is the true question because in that place I was a subject, a tool for that man's curiosity.

My existence only consisted of two things; success and failure.

When I succeeded I moved onto the next test and the cycle repeats.

But if the day came when I failed.

My purpose and reason for living was lost and I was no longer needed.

As a result of this I made myself focus on breaking the limits on myself so that I would never fail.

Never lose.

But because of this I only walked the path that that man wanted.

I walked the path of the masterpiece.

But now what am I?

That place is no longer my home and for 3 years I am in the care of one of the country's finest high schools The Advanced Nurturing High School.

This school encourages growth and evaluates students on merit.

The schools principles encourage growth through a competitive but nurturing environment.

Things like self preservation and survival of the fittest do factor in but are beliefs that will only hold you back and falter your growth.

So is that why I am in class D?

Despite leaving in search of freedom I have still remained shackled by the principles of that man and that place.

My emotions and evaluation of human life is still the same.

So why save Sudo?

To this question I don't have an answer.

At first I thought it was on a whim but that is not possible for me who thinks of each and every outcome before making a move.

I then thought about if I would do it again and my answer was no.

Saving Sudo involved risking my freedom due to exposure of my actions and showing my capabilities to Chabashira and Horikita. So if offered the choice I would gladly throw him away.

I learned in that place that the weak come in many forms.

My mind remembered all the subjects and instructors who crumbled and became worthless in front of me and I thought of the students in my class and how they almost crumbled when we lost our points.

So what does this mean?

This means that I have a darkness that fills my empty existence and that darkness gives me purpose.

The darkness stops me from losing and stops me from becoming weak or vulnerable.

This darkness is not present in any of my classmates and is something this school cannot explain or answer.

But this school still can answer my questions on freedom, humanity, love, compassion and can the broken be fixed.

My current class of "defectives" is said to be the leftovers of society but if they can rise up and stand at the top then that will answer that final question and maybe give me my freedom.