Hitting on the hitman

Stop. (64)

"What? Your parents were part of this?"

He nodded taking my hands and pulling me up. I let him, even though his expression was harsh his hold was gentle and kind.

The words came out bitterly, "My father used to be the leader of the Mafia, and when I'm old enough, I will be."

"But you enjoy this? Don't you? I saw it in your face when you were-" I paused the words I was about to say bringing back memories that made me shudder. "When you were torturing Lucas." As I spat the words out like poison any compassion I felt for him had disappeared.

A smirk grew a little on his face and with it my heart pricked.

"If I did?"

"Then you're just as bad as the rest of them. You're a monster." I hissed not hiding the disgust in my voice.

He turned his head a little bit like my words intrigued him before he took a step towards me, and another backed me against the wall and a sharp pain went down me as I smash against it harshly.

"Oh, love. I have been raised by beasts, monsters, psychopaths and murderers, I have seen violence your little brain can't even comprehend, have you ever seen men missing their faces? Have you ever seen them hanging from hooks dripping with blood like cattle? I was raised by men who call that fun. So call me what you like, but I can promise you, that I am far worse then they have ever been."

His smirk was bigger now. Did he know what he was doing? The fear he struck in my stomach, twisting it nauseatingly. How could he snap off his emotions so quickly?

"I won't deny it was satisfying, seeing him in pain, seeing his spirit be crushed. Breaking him into pieces."

I wasn't sure what to say. Call him crazy? I knew he would just laugh at that.

He stayed there staring me down as he waited for my reply but I couldn't look him in the eyes.

"It's funny, when I want you to be quiet you won't shut up. But when I actually want you to talk, you have nothing to say to me." He spoke smugly.

"Take me to my room." I swallowed.

"You Judge me, but you're just as bad. Stringing people along until the right time to crush them." He chimed quietly as if it was a secret between friends.

"What are you talking about? Why do you keep saying that?! Take me to my room."

"Think Jess. Think hard. That night you were out with Leo, Do you remember what you said to him?"

"What the fuck do you know about Leo?" I snapped. My throat was sore at the mention of his name, I didn't want him to see that he hit a nerve but it came out anyway.

"He's the nephew of the chief police. It's my duty to know about him. The real question is." He said holding his finger up like he was interrogating me. "What happened that night huh? Let's see. You went to the party and he got you a drink-"

"Stop." The words choked around me, the walls closing in.

"And then you went outside with him and you had an argument-"

"Stop!" I shouted this time. I don't know why it panicked me so much. All I knew was that he had to stop.

"And then you got drunk with your friends dancing all night as you knew he was watching over you. How did it feel? Hurting him, showing him how little you cared for him as you danced?"

"Please stop," I mumbled, was his hand on my throat? Why couldn't I breathe? My vision began to turn yellow at the ends.

"Why? I thought you couldn't remember all this?" He laughed and his words made my skin prick. Anger rushing through me like electricity. "But it wasn't enough for you was it? So you went up to him and told him how little you meant to him. Did it feel good? Knowing how much your words pierced into him? You liked it. Admit it."

"Shut up!" I screamed my head spinning around me. Was I going to be sick again?

I think the scariest part was that he was right, more and more of the memory of that night came to my head.

"But even when he tried to get away from you, you followed him. You weren't done yet you needed to get as much out of him as you could, and when he tried to get you home what did you do?" The words I knew he was about to say sent shocks through me as it all came rushing back. The things I had buried. The things that made me want to rip my skin off I hated them so much, I wanted to tear them out of me and burn them, watch them flicker into nothingness.

"STOP!" The words escaped me as the room around me closed in and I found the rage escaping me as I began to hit him pushing him, punching him, it all flowed through me as my hands hit his hard chest and my eyes were tightly closed.

I hadn't even realised I was still screaming.

Stop.

"Stop!"

Stop.

"Stop!"

Over and over again.

And then it was all gone. He was silent. The anger was gone and I opened my eyes. We were nowhere near the wall. In fact, I had pushed him against the opposite one.

He had a massive smirk across his face like he could read my every emotion like he knew me better than I knew myself.

My hands were clenched on his chest, resting there as I caught my breath.

"See." He whispered breathlessly. "You did it again." The words pierced me as I stood there helpless and tired.

"No matter how much you hate it. There will always be a part of you that is  just  like your parents." He was so smug it made me feel pathetic. Like I knew every word he said was the inescapable truth.

"So." He paused. "You can't judge me for being the same." He stated coldly before moving to the side and my weak knees tripped me to the wall.

I had attacked him. Just like I did to Leo.

I understood then, that was what he wanted. To ruffle me up until I broke and although part of me felt like there was no reason to feel guilty, he was such a terrible person.

But the events of what I had done repeated in my head like a movie keeping me there. Weak at the knees.

"I'll take you back to your room now, love."

I turned around and thoughtlessly I walked over to him. I had to know. I had to.

I found my hands slip at the edges of his top as I lifted it up travelling up his battered chest. Bruises appear there in front of me. He quickly took my hands pushing them down as the top fell with them.

"Don't worry about it love, I've been through so much worse." He whispered one hand holding my weak hand and the other lifting my head keeping it up. I was surprised I hadn't crumbled to the floor right there and then.

Was this how my mother had felt? Maybe it was worse for her, she did this to her daughter. I did this to a stranger, a monster and still, guilt consumed me. But really I knew it wasn't just him I had done this to.

I did this to Leo. My friend.

"Take me to my room." That was all I got out, and he did.

But I was too in my thoughts to even see my surroundings around me as he took me there. I just found myself there. Laying on a red bed staring at Gray as he stood beside the door.

"Get some rest. You'll need it."

Then he was gone, not another peep, no care for the virus he had just unleashed inside of me and no sympathy or guilt for the way it might just end up consuming me.