[VicFuentes] Dance, If It Moves You

Three.

“I think most of the people involved in any art always secretly wonder whether they are really there because they're good or there because they're lucky.” – Katharine Hepburn

This is the worst part, the leaving, the saying goodbye and wiping the tears off of her cheeks, having to tuck her hair behind her ear and try really hard to not cry in front of her, because if I cry then she’ll never let me leave. I want to take her, so badly; I want to have her pack the small Team Umizoomi suitcase and show her the entire world, have her by my side the entire time, that would be ideal, the best thing for both of us. This is probably harder on me than it is on her, at least school and Bailey and all the things that Bailey has planned can distract her long enough to make her stop missing me, I don’t really have a distraction; the guys are great, I know they are, they try really hard to make all of this better than it is, but it’s not a distraction, it never is.

She wraps her arms around my neck, her tears falling onto my shoulders, wetting the fabric of my sweater, and I feel my heart sink into my stomach, I feel so horrible, I hate this, I'm such a horrible parent when this happens, but this is what I love, this is how I make the money that supports us, I can’t just leave this band, this band was my baby before she was, and they're my family, too. “I’ll miss you, mommy.” Her voice is so strong, but I hear the high pitched crack that she was trying to keep down, like when she scrapes her knee and tries to be tough until a few minutes pass and the tears fall.

“I love you, too, baby girl.” Wrapping my arms around her small, petite frame, I lean back, sitting on the ground, pulling her closer to me, I end up staying with her, like this, until I have to leave, until we all have to leave, and then minutes later she’s off doing something fun with Bailey to keep her mind off of it. “I have to leave. I’ll be back, okay? And I’ll call you every morning and every night. Plus, every day I left Aunt Bailey something to give you; she’s only going to give it to you when she thinks you’re being extra good, so make sure you’re good, okay?” I do this each time I'm away for tour, I stock up on toys that are on sale, go to the Five Below in town and buy her toys and puzzle books to keep her occupied, each of them with a sticky note attached to it, saying that I love her.

Kissing her forehead as she pulls back, her fingers still locked together around my neck, blinking away the tears, I've done this so many times and it just gets harder; I know what the other mothers say about me, considering they're all years older than I am, considering they're either housewives or have part time jobs, and leaving their children for a job isn't their part in the family, because if I was her father, if I was a man, it wouldn’t be such a hot topic between them. “Mommy, play good shows for me. And don’t let Uncle John stink up the bus again.”

&/

“Are we there yet?”

“Hey, Alana, how much longer until we’re there?”

“Shut up. You guys are so annoying.”

“I want to get there already.”

“This is boring.”

“Who the fuck just farted?”

“It doesn’t even smell, you shit.”

“You’re twenty seven years old. Stop.”

“Don’t touch me.”

“John, Katharine said you can’t stink up the bus!”

“I listened to her! I didn’t fart!”

“You're too old to be talking like this.”

Rolling my eyes, I run a hand through my hair, not knowing why they act like this, only on this day, the day we travel to the city we’re performing in, always the day before, one day before, to get there and make sure we’re there, the first show is always the hardest, and we have to prep the most for it, so it’s our tradition to go the day before and invite the other bands and have a huge dinner. It’s the first time that we’re touring with only one other band, it’s weird, we’ve always had a bunch of supporting bands, and on this tour we’re the supporting band, well, not really, we’re apparently co-headlining the tour together, but they perform last.

Not that it really matters, we just want to play music, and we’re not the friendliest people, that’s why we’re all friends, all family, we get each other, and not headlining means no signings in the beginning. I think it’s crap that people have to pay for meet and greets and signings and whatever else it is, and usually I’ll stay after for a while to meet people outside of the venue, not for too long, they’ll tell me stories about how the band saved their lives, they’ll tell me that I'm their idol, I don’t do much, I'm just the drummer, and I hear that mostly from girls, it’s nice to know that they’re thinking that they can get into this industry as a female, refreshing, I like it.

Suddenly, the bus comes to a stop, the five of us either falling off of the couch or back onto it depending on where we’re all sitting, and Mark groans, something I expect from him, we’re not a fan of allowing Kevin drive, but he’s only driving to the venue today, and tomorrow Lou is coming up to meet us since he couldn’t leave today. “We’re here, shits.” Placing my hands on either side of me down on the couch, I stand up, nodding my head towards the door, knowing that the other band is here, Kevin drives really slowly, we were supposed to be here to meet them about half an hour ago.

“Hey, Alana,” Brian’s voice causes me to turn around, knowing that I'm dreading this, dreading coming face to face with them, him, he saw me cry, I didn’t know anyone was going to be there, I mean, I knew Austin was going, but I thought we were the only two, it’s not, I don’t like it, I hate all of this. “We won’t let anything bad happen, you know that right? To you, or to Katharine?”