The Red String | S. Todoroki x reader

Chapter 38

It's been a week and Shoto has barely turned up to any classes. We rarely see him at dinner times as well. He just shuts himself in his room all day. I'm starting to get worried about him but it feels wrong to talk to him since he's trying so hard to avoid me.

He hadn't shown up today either... and trying to concentrate in maths is a nightmare. It usually is anyway, especially in late period but today is different. I glance over to his seat and suddenly feel the same shooting pain as always but it's more bearable than any other time so i manage to conceal it.
The world changes as i'm used to now. My mum is standing in front of me, a worried expression plastered on her face and she points a shaky finger at the red string tied around my pinkie. I look at it, the fraying hadn't stopped since the incident and now it was on his last thread.

I get a horrible gut feeling accompanied by a feeling like i was going to throw up. I snap out of the hallucination and the pen in my hand gets crushed under the pressure i'm squeezing it with. I stand up in a frenzy, my chair falling down behind me. The entire class turns to face me.

"C- can i go?"
"If you must, YEAHHHHH" Present Mic shouts.
I trip over my feet as i leave my desk, stumbling as i run out of the door. I run through the halls, could they go on any longer? I break into a sprint, not caring about the hallway rule.
I burst through the large double doors and continue running at full speed down the hill towards our dorms.

I don't know what it is but everything feels so wrong. My legs are moving on their own, and i don't even know why. I reach the dorms and i can taste blood in my mouth from my harsh inhales and the chilled air. I fumble with the keys, eventually managing to put it in the keyhole. I push open the front door and don't even bother to close it as i run straight upstairs towards Shoto's room.

I throw open his door and it hits the wall in a loud bang. It's a mess, there's holes in the walls and almost everything he owns is on his floor.

The worst feeling hits me.

I get the instinct to run to the roof. I move as fast as i can up the stairs and reach the top.

The door is heavy and i struggle to open it but when i do, i see Shoto on the other side of the rail.
I gasp for air and i know he can hear me. He turns his head so i can see the side of his face though his eyes are covered.
My heart beats in my ears. This isn't happening. Not him too.

"Shoto don't you dare!" I cough out, still breathless.
He says nothing as the wind blows, pushing his hair back to reveal his eyes. Emotionless, except it's not a mask now. That's just truly how he's feeling. Nothing.

"Please don't leave me..."
He turns his head back and looks downwards and his grip loosens on the rails slightly.

"FOR FUCKS SAKE SHOTO" I cry out, my throat now sore from the run and screaming.
"WHY?!"

Just the wind blows in my ears, tossing my hair around.

"How many do you think i killed that day?" he asks.
"I- i don't know but that doesn't matter. Just come back over... i'm begging you"
"157 people." he answers his own question "I killed 157 people"
"Sho..."
"And i hurt you too didn't i? In my anger. I threw you and you hit a building.."
"I don't fucking care" i cry out, throwing my hands on my head.

"But i do. I'm like him..." he takes a big inhale before shouting out into the world "IM LIKE HIM DONT YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

"Your dad?! Fuck you, Shoto, don't even compare yourself to him" I get out even through my sobs.
I watch him as he leans forward.

"FUCK YOU." I shout again "FUCKING JUMP YOU SELFISH BITCH"

His shoulders tense and his grip tightens again.

"Stop."
"WHY WONT YOU DO IT? WHY ARE YOU STALLING? YOURE GONNA LEAVE ANYWAY ARENT YOU? LIKE YOU ALL FUCKING DO."
"Y/n. Stop."
"STOP? ME? WHY DONT YOU STOP" I collapse on the floor "JUST STOP"

There's silence, only the door that leads to the roof clanging loudly behind us as the wind pushes it backwards against the wall.

"You're not like your dad." I croak out as i watch him.
He shakes his head "but i hurt you"
"YOURE HURTING ME NOW! YOURE GONNA HURT ME MORE!
KILLING YOURSELF ISNT GOING TO PUT ANYTHING RIGHT!"

He listens and doesn't make a noise.

I take this as my chance and run at him, using all my strength to pull him over the barriers.

We fall backwards on the floor and he lands beside me, keeping his head down.

He stays silent, not looking at me.
At this point, my anger overflows. I've never felt this angry before in my whole life.

"YOU WERE JUST GOING TO DIE LIKE THAT? YOU WERE JUST GOING TO LEAVE ME BEHIND?!" I let out my anger "FUCK YOU" I hit his chest as hard as i can with my fist as i wail in frustration and pain "I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU!" i hit him between every line, every 'i hate you' i shout. He just takes it, not resisting me at all, just avoiding my gaze.
"I HATE YOU SO MUCH" I fall into him and hug him tighter than i ever have before.

I breathe in gasps and drown in my tears "WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE"
I feel his arms wrap around me "but i'm here"
"ARE YOU?" i push him off of me "WOULD YOU BE IF I HADNT LEFT CLASS?"
He continues to absorb my shouts. I thought i was done but i'm still overwhelmed.
"I CANT LOSE YOU, SHOTO" I grab a hold of his wrist causing him to look me directly in the eye "I LOVE YOU"

My eyes flicker between both of his fiercely, waiting for more than a detached gaze. The rims of eyes begin to fill with a familiar salty liquid.
"I'm sorry" he whispers as a tear finally falls.

I take a deep breath and watch him, panting from yelling. I let go of his wrist and i sit back. The longer i watch him, all the more tears fall from his different coloured eyes, and soon he's in as much of a mess as i am.
I bury my face in my hands, I can't look at him like this. It hurts me too much.
"I'm sorry" he chokes on his tears "i'm sorry i won't ever leave you i'm sorry"

His words make me feel sick "how can you say that? After what you almost did? Are you really going to lie to me?" I look up from my hands.
"i won't do it, i'm sorry"

His nose is red and his skin is blotchy.
The way we're both crying in sync must be entertaining to some. Two broken people who just want to feel loved but can't help feeling hopeless, angry, distraught at each other. At a loss for words but could say so many at the same time.

All i can think of are insults so i keep my mouth shut.
"I won't, i promise, i'm sorry"
His river of tears and his raspy voice consume me.

I remain silent, listening to him apologise over and over again. I honestly don't know what to say.

It's autumn, just coming up to the winter season so it's getting slightly cold as the sun goes down.

After a while, my anger dies down though my sadness doesn't. I pull him into me and enclose my arms around him comfortingly.
"I just don't understand..." I say quietly, my tears slowing down as i wipe away each one "I'm just sorry that you felt so desperate to escape from your own mind.. i should've talked to you"

His sniffles are hushed now as his face is buried into the crook of my neck.
"I don't want to hurt you anymore" his voice is weak and shaky.
"I don't want you to hurt anymore" i kiss his head softly, just grateful he's in my arms, alive "just stay.. please"
He nods and hugs me tighter.

I hear chatter from the other side of the building below us as everyone returns from class.
"I won't tell anyone, let's just go to your room and sort it out, yeah?"

My heart is still beating from the adrenaline as we both stand up, taking each other's hand. I rub the back of his with my thumb as we leave the rooftop, closing the heavy metal door behind us. We sneak into his room and begin to tidy up his floor. I place his video games back on the shelf as he refolds his clothes, putting them in the draws.

"I'm just relieved you're here" i say, my voice faint.
He looks up as he closes the draws "thank you for saving my life 2 times"
I reminisce a few memories of ours before replying "thank you for saving my life, also"

And there is was.
The red string, no frays nor knots, looking clean and brand new, leading me to you.

"I love you"
"I love you too"