His Secret

Chapter 19

As the members filed into the waiting room, Jihoon stood by the door giving each of them a Hi-5. They were wonderful and he had to make sure that they knew that. After changing out of their costumes, the boys followed Jihoon as they left the building, back to their company.

Jihoon was sitting next to the leader as the van took off, sharing his earpiece as they listened to the top hits on Spotify. The two conversed about their shoes, the dog that sat by the roadside, the bakery near their company. It was nothing significant, but there was joy in talking about the little things in life.

The movement of the other members brought the two people back to reality. Seungcheol took off the earpiece and passed it back to Jihoon as he squeezed out of the backseat to exit the van, Jihoon following behind. The members were all dispersing to go to their respective practice studios, with the promise to meet for a group practice after dinner.

"Would you like to join me in the studio?" Seungcheol asked, hands tucked into his joggers.

Jihoon nodded his head, moving to follow Seungcheol when his phone rang. Jihoon looked at his phone then looked back at Seungcheol, apologetic. He turned away and picked up the phone.

"Hyung?"

"Really?"

"I'll come over soon!! Give me a minute."

Seungcheol could feel his excitement from 5 feet away. Jihoon hung up the phone and ran towards him.

"Hyung..." Jihoon dragged.

"It's okay. I'll see you later." Seungcheol replied with a smile.

Jihoon's eyes brightened. "I'll be back before group practice!!" He gave Seungcheol a grin before calling for a cab.

The leader's eyes dimmed.

It was definitely that guy again.

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Jihoon tapped his fingers on his knee as he hummed along to the tune on the radio. The scenery was a passing blur as he zoned out, his mind occasionally drifting to the performance he saw earlier. Every time he caught himself zoning out, he would force himself to stop and to just concentrate on the radio.

He took large steps to the studio, wishing to finally see his hyung. He opened the door, meeting gazes with Yoongi. Yoongi grinned and motioned for him to come closer and Jihoon complied, settling down in the swivel chair and allowing Yoongi to place the headphones over his ears. As the music played, he realised once again, that only music would allow him to escape his feelings, albeit temporarily.

The two continued discussing about the track and Jihoon felt great, like he was meant to be composing, and producing. A notification popped up on Jihoon's phone and he took a glance, still talking to Yoongi.

We'll be filming our dance practice at midnight. Could you help us film?

He stared at his phone for a minute, before realising that he had stopped talking. He flipped over his phone and opened his mouth, intending to continue his conversation with Yoongi, when he noticed Yoongi looking at him.

"Oh, I got asked to help Seventeen film their dance practice. It's at midnight so I can't leave too late. Not that I planned to stay but you-" Jihoon explained.

"Jihoon."

"you know how I always end up-"

"Jihoon. You're rambling again."

"Oh." Jihoon quietened down.

"You still want to perform, don't you." Yoongi asked.

"Of course, aren't I already performing?"

"You know what I mean."

Jihoon didn't answer.

"You want to perform for an audience. One that cheers for you. One that sings along. Under the blinding lights on a real stage. Not online, where nobody knows who you are."

Jihoon looked away from Yoongi's eyes and stared at his fingers as if they were the most interesting thing in the world.

He declined to reply.

"Jihoon. Look at me." Yoongi spoke with a gentle tone, his hands reaching over to hold Jihoon's.

"Remember what I always say?" Yoongi asked.

"If you want to be successful, be strong, strong enough that no one can bring you down." Yoongi continued as Jihoon chorused in, finally looking into Yoongi's eyes.

"You have grown so much Jihoon-ah. Both your music and your courage. Trust me when I say that you are talented. You are strong. There is no need to stop yourself from doing what you've always dreamed of."

Jihoon thought about all the times he had given in to his desires to perform. Sure, he enjoyed it and always wished he could've performed longer but it was always so scary. To step on the stage, to face the audience and worry about what they would think about the performance. He could only lose himself in the performance to try and forget all the insecurities he had. And now, Yoongi-hyung was telling him that he is strong?

"Hyung, I'm not strong. I-I love the stage. But I can't sacrifice my peace for it. You know what happened." Jihoon replied, reminding Yoongi of his bullying case.

Yoongi continued caressing Jihoon's hands, calming him down as he knew how much that incident had affected him.

"You don't have to think too much about it now. But when you find yourself yearning for the stage again, then come and talk to hyung again. We can figure things out together." Yoongi comforted.

Jihoon smiled wistfully.