there's a story behind every smile | nishimura riki

VII

I'm home. again. surprisingly my mom isnt downstairs. shes probably in her room, drinking, or for all I know fucking another man. wouldn't be surprised really.

I go to the kitchen after I close the front door and I grab a bottle of water and head upstairs to my room. i walk past my mothers door and i dont bother looking inside cause I dont care what she does. I close my door and throw my bag along with my keys on bottle on my table and push myself on the bed, falling face flat. just as I get comfy, my mother stumbles her way to my room.

"Y/N WHERE HAVE YOU BEEM FOR THE PAST 3 DAYS" she yells at me.

"I WAS OUT" I shout back.

"Y/N YOUR- NOT AL-ALLOWED TO THAT, D-DO YOU HEAR ME" she has an empty glass bottle, and what does she do, well, she decides to throw it at me. yeah she did that, and so somehow it shatters. and then she literally came over to me and just randomly decided to fucking my jaw. that shit hurt man. and she continued to punch me to my collar bones and ribs.

"THATS- WHAT YOU GET FOR- NOT- COMINGZ- HOME" she said with each punch. i couldn't take it anymore and i just push her off and she falls on the floor.

"Y/N HOW DA-"

"get out" I cut her off.

"excuse me? theres no need for fucking attitude" she raises her voice again as she gets up from the floor.

"I SAID GET OUT" I yell.

she decided to get out of my room. I put my knees to my face and cry. I throw the bottle across the room in anger and it shatters even more. theres cuts on my face and down along my body. fuck sake.

I go to the bathroom and try to cover them up with some concealer and blend that with the beauty sponge. and I grab my belongings again and head out once again. I had to get out of this place. I was gonna stay but after what happend I dont want to stay here any longer.

"WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING" my mother yells from a distance as I just ignore her.

it's my father's birthday today. I had to visit. sometimes I visit every year with my mom, but she got wasted this year completely.

I walk to the shop to get some flowers and a candle.

I continue to walk on the footpath and i head to the graveyard. I open the gates and I continue to walk forward as this place is actually huge. theres alot of turns. well I mean this is the main graveyard. I walk for about 3 minutes and make a left, then a right, then another left again. I continue to walk straight. and I find the grave.

i take out the flowers and place them on his grave along with the candle. i take out the lighter from under the bench that's there and light it up.

"happy birthday dad. I'm sorry I'm here, by myself" I talk to him and I slowly sit on the ground. "I know you would've liked it for your 2 girls to be here, but theres only one. shes waisted dad. she wont stop" I look down and tear up slowly and I play with my hands. "she- she's been, a handful. shes, oh my God. dad shes abusing me. she throws bottles at me, shes punching me. just before I left she attacked me. I- i dont know what to do. I want to leave that house. I really do, but deep down in my heart, I can feel she might- she could change. you know" I start to cry even more. " I don't know how I can handle this anymore. i miss you. I miss you so much. I miss you through every second of every day. oh what I'd do to have you back" I stop for a few minutes to try and calm down. "I started to go to a new dance studio. long story. my ex cheated on me, with a girl, and my new friend who I met, his name is ni-ki. his girlfriend cheated on him aswell and we find out it's our ex's. I told you it's a long, complicated story. but he's really nice. he has this soft, blondish hair. she has this cute freckle on his chin. his smile. oh wow. and just everything about him really. but uhh I may have kissed him.. i haven't told anyone. i only told you this actually. but I met new friends anyway. and uh Jay's cousin like nearly put his hand up the rips ki my jeans, and uh well ni-ki and jay literally beat the hell out of him. not to mention we were at a dinner. hyunjin was not happy. at all. and uh well I attacked ni-ki's ex aswell actually, ahha funny story, she slapped me but it was self defense so we kinda went through a window. yeahh.. anyway that's how I have a bandage on. but the other cuts and bruises were from, they were from mom" I slowly start to tear up. once again. "but these cuts, well uh I did them myself- I'm sorry dad. I know. I'm not meant to hurt myself. but i seriously couldnt help it. i-IM sorry" I start to ball my eyes out. literally. "I miss you dad. I want you back" I start to scream out those words, only causing me to be in more pain. knowing my dad wont be back anytime soon.

I take my knees and cry deeply. in pain. in guilt. I hear footsteps behind me but I took no notice. until I felt a hand on my head. rubbing it ever so gently. I slowly lift my head up and the Male figure bends down. hovering on his ankles. I look deeply into his eyes with my red swollen eyes. I took no time to waste and attack his chest. I bury my face in his chest. and I cry even more intensely. he felt bad. he wrapped his hand around my shoulders as he couldn't reach my waist and he rubbed my head.

"its going to be okay Kireina. its going to be okay" he continued to rub my head and placed a small peck on it.