there's a story behind every smile | nishimura riki

II

TG: SELF-HARM, BLOOD

as i was sleeping quietly, there was a bang from my door. it was my mother, again.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?" she raised her voice at me. "I WAS WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT. HOW DARE YOU GO OUT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION" she yelled again.

"I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE, PLUS WHEN DID YOU CARE WHERE I WAS" i yelled back.

"IVE ALWAYS CARED ABOUT YOU PARK Y/N ITS NOT MY FAULT YOU CAN SEE IT YOU UNGREATFUL PIECE OF SHIT" she yelled back as she slammed my door which made me flinch.

i sat up from my bed, and I curled into a ball, and cried. i continue to cry, and cry until i became numb. too numb to let out my feelings. instead i started to panic. i stood up from my bed, walking back and forth, until i open my drawimg and rush my hands through it, to find a sharp blade deep in my drawer.

i stood up, and i walked slowly to
my bathroom looking at the blade. i enter my bathroom and look up at the mirror, seeing my reflection, as my eyes started to water, i look down at my forearm, and slide the blade across it several times, as i keep cutting myself, realizing i've done too much seeing blood driping down down my arm, along my hands. i start to ball. i drop down onto my bathroom floor, with my head against my knees.

as i cry i start to realize where i have to go in there and a half hours. i joined a new dance studio because i got kicked out of my old one because I got into a fight with a girl. and my behavior was not tolerated there, that's what the teacher said anyway.

i think to myself saying i have to cover up, i can't go in like this, but then i might faint again, no i'll be fine. hopefully.

as i finish taking a shower to wash off all the blood that was dripping from my forearm, i look at my clothes that were stained with blood. fuck sake.

i finish getting ready into my black leggings, with a white nike sports bra and nike hoodie over it. i put on my socks and runners, i was about to open my door but it opened by itself. i looked up and see hyunjin.

"i was waiting ages for you outside, how long does it take just to out on clothes jesus chris" he said dramatically.

and that's hyunjin. my best friend. best friends since we were in our diapers, and ever since. we were super close, but not in a romantic way, we tried once, but we figured out that our relationship wasnt meant to be romantic, people think we are together by how close we are but it's more like a platonic soulmate, i guess you can put it that way.

he comes in my room and looks down at my dirty clothes, my blood stained clothes. he looked down at me. he looked upset, and concerned. but i completely forgot to even put them away. but it was kinda too late as they were already found.

"y/n" he said in a serious tone.

"hello there" i say as if I had no clue.

"show me your arms"

"why there's nothing to see. you're some freak for asking to show my hands-"

"y/n please, show me your arms" he repeated the request.

"i- fine" i started to tear up as I pulled up my sleeves.

"oh y/n, why" he pulled me in for a hug. i felt comfort surrounding me. I felt safe when he pulled me in. I heard him whisper saying it's going to be okay. but it's not. she won't change.

hyunjin's pov

i felt terrible. it's not the first time she had done this. those cuts were deep. really deep. I'm scared for her. I'm scared that one day she might just end it all. I dont ever want her to leave. she cried into my chest, my shirt was actually soaked. but she gave me a spare, which was actually my shirt.