Aaron Flex

Uncertainty

I wake up the next morning to his jet black hair laying perfectly on his face. He looks so innocent when he's asleep. Almost like he's a different person. All I can do is lay there staring at him, in awe of the perfection. I never really stood back and realized how hot Ivan was but as I lay here I can see.
Through the grog I hear a faint alarm go off. Fuck, I need my dose. But I dont know where it is. I slowly move Ivan's arms off of me and slowly trudge my way to the kitchen where my watch is. I turn it off and start frantically looking around for my heroine. Soon its been 15 minutes since I've been looking and I can feel myself start to itch. I begin throwing everything in sight when I hear Ivan run out in a frenzy.

Ivan- "Whats going on, are you ok?!"

I turn around breathing heavily and see his eyes are barely open from just waking up.

Me- "Where is it?"

Ivan- "Where is what?"

Me- "Dont act fucking stupid, where is my heroine?"

I start to feel myself get angry and realize what I just said. Ivan looks upset and I decide to apologize.

Me- "I'm sorry...I didn't mean to be rude..."

Ivan- "Its fine, you're an addict...Its over here."

He walks over to the cabinet in the living room and takes it out. I get everything ready and just as I'm about to do it I see Ivan turn away. Why did he turn away? He hasn't had an issue before. Why now? I turn back to my dose when I hear a knock at the door. Ivan goes to the peephole and says its Trip. I tell him to let him in.

Trip- "Hey, how are y...what the hell are you doing?"

He runs over and rips my needle out of my hand.

Me- "What the fuck, give it back!"

Trip- "You shouldn't still be doing this shit. That's it, you're going to rehab. Right fucking now!"

He grabs my arm and pulls me out to his car. It takes everything in me to stop him. If I were at full health I'd be able to easily take him. Ivan runs after us yelling at Trip to take me back into the house.

Ivan- "He's not healthy yet, he has to go back in the house and heal up."

Trip- "He WILL be healthy once he goes to rehab."

Ivan- "He needs to..."

Trip- "He needs to what?! You think you know whats best for him?! I've been taking care of his ass since his Sophomore year of highschool. I've seen him at his worst. I think I know whats best for him!"

I rip my arm out if his hand and fall to my knees. All I can do is sit there and stare at the ground. The faint sound of yelling pierces through the fog of my brain. This is it. The only thing thats strong enough to block out the pain, the nightmares, the thoughts, taken away from me just as fast as it came.
I sit there for what feels like an eternity. When Trip stands me up and puts me in the car, all I hear him say is..

Trip- "You don't have to agree with my decision but if you care about him you'll come with me while I take him to rehab."

Ivan doesn't say anything, he just gets in the car and then were off. In my mind the car ride lasted forever. It felt like my whole life was falling apart. Heroine was there when nothing else was. It casted away the nightmares, oh the nightmares. I dreamt about that day every night when I was in the looney bin. Even the zoloft wasn't enough to keep them at bay.
They were so vivid and it felt like Lucas's blood drowned me every time. The look of his father. The sound he emitted at the sight if his son bleeding to death. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming my lungs out, sobbing until the nurses came in and gave me a sedative. All it did was plant me right back into the nightmare. Right where I left off.
I still had them every night for a year after. When I was at Trip's he would run out and hold me until I stopped crying. He would just sit there on the couch rocking me, telling me everything was going to be fine. They even drove me to almost committing suicide. I attempted three times. Trip saved me all three.
The first time I went to looking hill, the spot I always associated with good memories. But standing there without him drove me mad. Just as I was going to jump I feel Trip pull me towards him. He wrapped me tight in his arms and told me the same thing, everything was going to be ok.
The second time I tried to go out the same way I attempted with Lucas. I even had the same knife. Just as I was about to do it Trip grabbed the knife out of my hand. He then proceeded to lecture me about how Lucas wouldn't want me to try and take my life again. It lasted forever and made me feel worse.
The third and last time I tried to attempt suicide I decided to make sure I wouldn't survive. I stole Trip's pain pills and took as many as I could keep down. I layed down on the couch and felt myself daze off into a drug induced sleep. I woke up in the hospital where Trip was sitting in a chair next to me. Come to find out he found just after I had fallen sleep. He stuck his fingers down my throat and I threw up what was left of the meds. He preformed CPR on me until the ambulance came.
Trip has saved my life so many times so the least I can do is go to rehab for him. I feel like I owe him...but taking away the only thing thats kept everything away might be an over stretch.

To be continued...