hello, anon | salia

forty six

"he doesn't know who i am," i say to jj outside in the waiting room, in a state of shock.

"talia...he's just woken up from surgery, it's natural for things to be funny, right? it doesn't mean he won't start to remember you...i'll talk to the doctors, give it some time and he should come round, alright?"

"maybe it's better if i just go home -"

"talia, i'm begging you to not give up on him. he's become a completely different person since talking to you, it's unbelievable. regardless of if he gets his memory back or not, i can't see him like that again...he's my best mate, and you make him happy...so if not for him, then for me and his friends."

jj was right. i couldn't just give up on him like that. it wasn't fair. whilst it was hard for me, i knew simon was finding it equally as difficult.

"fine...i'll go back in there with him, i'll see what he can remember," i give in, watching jj's face relax before walking off to talk to someone.

i walk back into the room, now feeling a little sick just thinking about talking to him. knowing he wasn't going to know who i was.

"simon?" i called out, pushing the door forward. he leaned up in his bed, checking me out again, but there were no signs on his face that he recognised me.

"you're the girl that just ran out of my room...right? are you here with jj?" he asks, putting down the book he was reading.

"uh -"

"wait...are you his girlfriend?" he asks, gasping in surprise. god, he had this so wrong.

"no!" i said firmly, wanting to dispel that thought as quickly as i could. "i'm not his girlfriend."

i wasn't anyone's girlfriend.

"oh. so why are you here? in my hospital room?"

"i'm here to see you...you really don't remember me?" i ask, my heart just waiting to drop.

"i honestly have no clue who you are, i'm sorry," he speaks out bluntly, not knowing how much those ten words hurt.

i had to physically bite my lip to prevent myself from crying out, looking up at the ceiling to prevent any tears from falling.

"you're upset...did i do something? am i supposed to remember you?"

"you didn't do anything, simon. don't worry. i'm just going to go -"

"wait, before you go...what's your name? you seem to know mine so it's only fair."

"my name's mj," i lie, making eye contact with him one more time before leaving the room at a quick run. jj is still nowhere to be seen so it's easy for me to leave unnoticed.

once i'm out in the car park i allow myself to cry. i allow myself to be sad, and to feel sorry for myself, because at this point i don't know if i'm ever going to see simon ever again.