More Than it Seems

Jason/Emily

WARNING> This chapter includes content that may be disturbing. It includes rape, suicide, and more. 

Wake up, clean, eat, sit, tolerate voices, eat again, clean again then sleep. Wake up, clean, eat, sit, tolerate voices, exercise, eat again, clean again then sleep. Wake up, clean, eat, sit, tolerate voices, eat again,bingo night, clean again then sleep. Wake up, clean, eat - you get the point. This is my schedule and has been for years and the rest of my cursed life. I've wanted to quit this cycle. I've wanted to stop this agony, this terrible bland repetition for years! And for years I've tried. For years I tried to do what can give me peace now. 

Sleep.

I rolled up my sleeves and glared at the scars that blanketed my skin. I took off my shirt and saw more of my pain, more of my failures. I took off my pants see even more. I turned and eyed myself, "just die already..."

"Aye, aye ayyyyyye! Hurry up so we can eat breakfast, " Drevor squeaked.

"Shut up, d*mb*ss," I said as I turned on the water. 

"They're serving pancakes today!" He said, seemingly getting closer.

I grabbed the soap and subbed up before the timer started, "and? Don't you hate sweets?"

"No, b*tch I love me some food!" He said as he peeked inside, " but you love sweets!"

"The f*ck I don't," I turned, " are you allowed in here?"

"Yeah, they believe that you won't kill me, " he laughed as he grabbed my soap, " I asked to shower at the same time so we can get a longer smoke break!"

"There are literally like three more showers! Gon' over to one of them! Imma be scarred for life see your skinny *ss."

He laughed to himself, " fine...."

He walked away giggling in his annoying high pitched voice. I turned, " what's so f*ck'n funny, d*mb*ss!"

"I thought of a bad joke, " he yelled through his showering.

"Tell me."

"It involves your scars tho."

I looked at my skin that was suffocated with them, " oh... Then shut the f*ck up then."

He laughed the whole shower period.  

..................

Breakfast was over and by the time we reached the courtyard, everyone just finished their pancakes. Drevor grabbed his cigar and waddled his skinny *ss to the lighter embedded in the wall. My nurses guided me towards our regular spot where the sun hit perfectly. I sighed as I closed my eyes, letting the rays redden the black pools of darkness that I usually see. The warmth glided against my skin and gave me the slightest temporary contentment. 

My daughter loved the sun....

"Yo!" Drevor screeched as he interrupted my thoughts, " thinking of lil' Von again?"

I grumbled, p*ssed that he interrupted such a rare memory, " I was."

He laughed as he sat besides me, "wanna hit?" He hovered the cigar in front of me.

"Nah, I need to quit."

"Dude, your girl can't find out if your smoking again. Just this once..."

"Yeah just this once then I'm hooked again," I stared at the incoming people, "my baby would hate if she knew I was smoking."

"Your not even with he-"

"Drevor," I hissed, " your f*ck'n annoying me again."

He sighed, "sorry..."