A Time Without You

21

Chapter 21: Slowly Breaking

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~(Y/N)~

A couple of days passed and the sickness had faded away, thanks to Andrew he had gotten me through. Slowly getting out of bed I press my feet onto the cold floors. Walking over to the door I open it and walk down to the living room.

In the kitchen I saw Andrew working at making breakfast, walking over to him I go to the fridge to get something to drink. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

I shut the fridge door and look at him. "Better." I say.

He smiles and turns to me. "So, you wanna tell me why you and Lizzi are having issues?" he asks.

I let out a sigh and set the carton of juice down, biting my bottom lip I rub the right eye wishing I didn't have to say. "She's not who she used to be... she didn't let guys run her life. All she ever came to me for was about the guys she dated and wanted my advice she'd never take." I tell him.

Turning my back to him I pour the juice into the glass, then shortly after I put the carton back in the fridge. Then I hopped up on the counter where I drank my juice and looked at Andrew, his eyes were soft, but then again that's how he usually looked. Second best. That was all I could think when I see him now.

Since the days were drawing closer I was thinking more and more about Levi when I had tried so hard to shut out all those feelings and memories. And with that came the little voice in my head reminding me who second best was.

And it made me wonder, could I ever be happy with Andrew? Sure he was rich, and handsome, and annoyingly too kind sometimes. But could I really marry him? Have kids with him? Would I have to sign a prenup? I was sure I would have to consider he was from a rich family and his parents would want him to set it up in case something happened.

Looking at Andrew I wondered if he'd even have a prenup as an option. He had always cared for me, even when I didn't want him to. Watching him walk up to me, he spread my legs apart gently and stood between them. His eyes locked with mine. "What do I have to do?" he asks softly.

I went to take another sip when he grabs my cup and sets it down beside me. Closing in, my eyes directly went to his mouth. "Just this once? Can I kiss you?" he asks.

I wanted to say no, I should say no. But I wanted to see, for myself if there would be a feeling. Slowly I begin to nod my head and he slowly leans in to me. His hands gripping my waist softly as his lips brush against mine before full on pressing into them. His lips were soft and the kiss was gentle but I couldn't get into it.

His eyes shut as he sighs and presses deeper. My eyes were wide open looking about the room not enjoying it whatsoever. I felt nothing, other than this sick feeling in my stomach. It was guilt. Before Andrew could even get lost in the kiss I push him off and bounce off the counter. Legs weak and shaky made me collapse on the floor as I shake my head and shut my eyes tightly. My hands clapped over my mouth as I shudder like I had been swiped across the back with my father's whip again.

Standing up I begin to walk away quickly and back up the stairs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That was all I could think as I ran into my room, slamming the door shut I flip the lock and fall onto the floor as tears poured from my eyes. The guilt was killing me and it was over one stupid little kiss. Sniffling I held myself while I sat on the floor with my legs crossed.

I kept wiping my lips trying hard to forget the feeling of Andrew's lips on mine. I shook my head as I whimper softly and rock myself back and forth. Part of me wanted to like it, I wanted to be able to have feelings for Andrew, but it was clear as day that I didn't want to know that feeling unless it was me and Levi.

~Andrew~

I stood outside her door listening to her cries. I felt as if I had pressured her into it, I didn't want to admit that I wanted to kiss her more considering she's in this state. I stood outside her door waiting for her to calm down in hopes to talk to her about it... and apologize for pressuring her into it.

It didn't take long for the cries to stop, and immediately after hearing them stop her door opens, her eyes were puffy and her cheeks still damp. Sniffling softly she looked to the floor in embarrassment that she literally took off moments after stopping the kiss. "(Y/N) I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to pressure you-"

She raises her hands and her eyes shut tightly seeming to try and stop herself from crying again. "I can't... with you- I just..." she stops and covers her mouth as the tears start to stream again.

"Shh, it's okay." I say as I bring her into my arms.

Crying in my arms she shook her head and back away. "No, it's not, you're a nice guy and I.." she wipes her eyes and shakes her head.

Backing away she grabs the door frame and looks up at me. Her eyes were filled with sadness and emptiness. "I can't be with you like that Andrew- I just don't feel that way about you, so can you please... please just be my friend?" she asks me.

I couldn't tell her no, she could ask me to travel across the world to get one thing and I'd do it in a heartbeat. And as much as I wanted to love her, and be loved by her. I nod and bring her back into my arms. She shook gently like she was freezing, and I didn't know how else to comfort her.

"I'll always be your friend (Y/N)." I whisper, I cradled the back of her head as she hid her face in the crook of my neck. I was afraid she'd crumble to pieces at any moment. Since she came back that's all she had been doing, breaking, slowly and it was only getting worse.

"Promise me? That it will be nothing more?" she asks.

With a sigh, I shut my eyes tightly. "Promise," I whisper. 

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