A Time Without You

7

Chapter 7: Sickening Guilt

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~(Y/N)~

With classes not in session at the moment for winter break, it meant the only thing I could do was work or stay at home all day with my cat. I didn't make it my priority to befriend people after returning, I had become socially awkward more than I already was. I could still order for myself and whatnot but when it came to communicating with another person I didn't know. I would stutter and fumble a lot.

Currently, I was sitting at home with my cat on my lap watching some movies. It was my day off and I was taking full advantage of it. It had been about five days since Christmas, it was a Sunday evening at home. Tomorrow was New Year's Eve and I made no plans to celebrate.

Curled up on the couch in a pair of sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt, and slippers I scrolled through the many shows of Netflix. I stopped when I heard a knock at my door, leaning forward Duchess jumped off of me and headed for the door. I set the remote down and get up, Duchess began sniffing after she brought her head up from the small crack at the bottom of the door.

"Psst," I say causing her to scurry. I then open the door and look up. My eyes widened at the visitor, I was lost for words for a moment only because I didn't expect to see him... at least not until next Christmas... or so I hoped. "Andrew," I mutter.

"Hey." he greets.

I would let him in, but considering what Duchess did to him last time, I really didn't want to take the chance of her doing something worse. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be- oh I don't know running a company?" I ask.

He chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. "We're expanding our work further. I'm having a company building built here," he says.

My mouth curves into an 'o' shape as I look down. "So you're staying- where are you staying?" I ask.

He smiles gently. "I'm upstairs room 10K," he says. Great. I force a smile and begin to slowly close my door.

"That's great, I'll have to come by sometime," I say.

I was ready to shut the door on him and finish this conversation but before I could say goodbye he stops the door with his hand. "Wait! I wanted to ask you something." he says. Well hurry up! Out with it!

I continue to force a smile as I open the door back up slightly. "Yes?" I ask trying not to sound annoyed.

"I was wondering- since we'll be seeing each other a lot more... if you'd like to go out on a date with me?" he asks.

My smile drops and my shoulders fall. If I were any other girl I would've said yes, but the thing was and I know it was stupid of me but... my heart was still with Levi. I couldn't accept this- at least not now when I'm still trying to get passed leaving the man I gave my heart to. "I'm sorry Andrew... but I can't... at least not now." I tell him.

He smiles and nods understanding. "Some other time then." he says.

I purse my lips together and shut the door before he could say anything else. After the door shut I turn back and flip the lock. He's living upstairs!? "Ugh." I groan as I walk back over to the couch. And he asked me out!

I fall limp on the couch laying on my stomach with my head turned towards the tv. I was hovering over 'Jane the Virgin' when my cat jumped up and on my back. I let out a tired sigh and turn my head away from the tv. My thoughts went back to Levi, and how I felt- and within the eight months of being a part my heart never seemed to let him go. And I know that him and I would never see each other again.

I shut my eyes tightly and sniffle softly as I let the tears run down my face. To this day the sickening feeling of guilt taunted me for leaving him, wondering if he feels abandoned now knowing the truth. If I could go back, I'd do things differently, I'd surely treat him differently knowing what I know now. Through my continuing research I later found he lost his mother at a young age and lived in the underground district.

That place was now not open to the public, it was now in use for if another war would come then the citizens could take shelter. The only place I could ever go back to was the Scout's headquarter ruins. And I know that there was nothing I could do about Levi's past, I still felt that now- after leaving him was just hurting him all over again. If I had taken the risk of losing my memory, I would've been with him, I would've stayed, I wouldn't have to remember my father and all he had done.

I had planned to go to the ruins on the anniversary... but now, I don't know if I should.

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