Being Fearless

21

"Fear is stupid. So are regrets."
-
Marilyn Monroe

Fear and pain go hand in hand. Well at least for some. See, people connect fear to pain weather it be physical, mental or emotional. Mental and emotional pain are worse because no matter how many times someone tells you not to be afraid you still are.

Pain. One person is feeling pain unlike no other. This is the pain of unknowing. When things are out of one's control the fear what will happen. Humans like control and when they lose it they become scared. A scared human is a terrible thing. When the unknown becomes known, humans tend to want it gone.

A select few humans want to explore it but most hate that they don't know what it is.

Humans are complex creatures.

One person is feeling pain. The pain is like hot lava coursing through their veins. What you don't know is that this pain isn't physical. It's mental and emotional.

Both people are in pain only, one of them doesn't know the depth of the others pain.

Back to the complex humans thing.

Humans, the smartest creature to walk the earth. They build machines and building. So many magnificent things! But, are they really magnificent. Humans see evolution as the answer because they need to be on top. Nothing needs to be better than humans.

So what do they do? They segregate themselves and create communities. They spread their words and beliefs, littering others brains with their own thoughts.

Humans are selfish and greedy so they make weapons to harm and kill each other. Animals are the same but different.

Most follow minimal rules and live harmlessly with others but some of them have a hierarchy. Wolves have a hierarchy. One leader and the rest follow. But wolves aren't humans. They can't make weapons like humans can.

Humans are destructive and dangerous even though they don't think they are. So what's the point of this?

Humans kill other humans for power and because of fear.

Elliot is laying in a bed with pain burning holes through her skin. A open wound in her pelvis that doesn't match to the pain within her mind.

Alex is holding her hand with pain pouring from his eyes. His heart hurt for the lies he told. Elliot watching the clouds seemingly not listening to him made pain pour from his eyelids even more.

But Elliot didn't care that he lied. She didn't care about what he said.

The things Elliot was going through couldn't even amount to anything her father ever did or anything Alex lied about.

She got her wish.

The one thing she could never do herself, someone had written her fate.

Maybe her fate was always written to be like this. Maybe she was just here for others to make there fate.

She couldn't explain to Alex what was happening to her. She could only forgive him and let him be okay because her fate wouldn't disrupt his.

Alex was fated to do something and to be something. To fall in love with a nice girl and have a white picket fence and a wrap around porch. His fate was to wake up every morning beside the love of his life and to hear his children giggle while they were up past their bed time.

His fate was one without her.

She couldn't give him any of that. She was a destructive human who was ruining Alex. She wanted to let him go so he could move on but she was a selfish human.

She wanted to be by his side for the rest of her measly days. She wanted to wake up to him hugging her and kissing her nose. She wanted to hear him say he loved her just a few more times.

She never should have kissed him. She never should have fallen in love with him but she did.

The only way she could be peaceful in her rest would be to never say she loves him. She knew it would hurt him but at least it would be easier for him to move on.

To move on with a life without her.

She was damned to a fate of death. Maybe this was karma for all those people she killed. Maybe the higher power wanted to give her a taste of what life could have been, just to rip it from hr grasp leaving her even more broken than before.

Elliot never was strong enough to leave this earth, now with a reason to live someone else made the choice for her.

Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning Infertile. 1 month to live. Mercury poisoning 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live. 1 month to live.

The words rattled around in Elliot's brain. They echoed endlessly drowning out everything else in her room. She couldn't hear Alex sobbing beside her. 1 month to live. What would she do with so little time?

4 weeks. 30 days. 730 hours. 43800 minutes. They are all the same. One month.

Elliot didn't know what to do with these feelings. So after Alex went to sleep that night she wrote. She filled a journal with every memory she's ever had. Her entire life put into a little leather back book.

She would write her day every day until she couldn't.

She dated the pages and wrote every detail she could. From the very beginning until the end. On the back of the very last page she wrote: To the boy who gave me everything and gave me a reason to live. I love you to ends of the earth. With every breath in my body and every blink of my eyes, I love you. I love you so much that I could never tell you before I left this world. I wish I could tell you a million times how much you mean to me. Words can't describe how much you helped me. I love you forever and always.

- Elliot Stevens

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Sorry for the late chapters guys. I didn't want to write a shitty chapter so I waited until I felt good enough to do it. ♥️

We are on the last stretch of chapters. I'm gonna write 32 ish chapters maybe a few more.