after i started to cry, i stopped.
i want luke to be happy. i want him to love someone as much as i love him. maybe that person will be calum, maybe not. but whether it is or isn't, i still want him to be in love.
when i heard calum on the phone that day, my stomach tied in knots and i felt sick. i couldn't get rid of that feeling until a few hours later. that was when i met a girl named ally at my therapists office.
ally and i had talked for hours. she was intriguing and all i could focus on was her words and her soothing voice. it was a distraction. something that would keep the thought of luke in the back of my mind.
she told me she was there because she attempted suicide. she swallowed a lot of pills and everything went hazy.
it reminded me how fragile life is. it can be effected so easily and it can be a positive effect or a negative one.
then i thought of luke. the boy that made my life oh so better. he was like chocolate, sweet and it felt as if you could never have to much. was there any other way to describe him?
- - - -
i heard my phone ring and i put my food down and answered. "hello?" i asked in a quite voice. "michael?" it was calum and then the feeling that i got at the hospital. "Yes?" he seemed scared... nervous.
"have you, um, have you seen luke." i'd only seen him once since i got out of the hospital. "Not in a couple if days, why" he took a minute to get the words out. "i can't find him... i think something really bad is going to happen..."
"calum, what happened?" he couldn't seem to speak, as if holding back something. "earlier today he was upset and crying and he left without telling me. i didn't know where he went and he hasn't come back since and i really don't know what to do." his voice was trembling and he was on the verge of tears. he must really love luke.
"calum, i'll look for him over here. just stay calm and look for him. if i find him, i'll call you." we said our goodbyes and hung up. i ran to my coffee table and grabbed my keys, but when i opened the door, he was just standing there, like a ghost.
you could smell the alcohol on his clothing. "please don't tell calum." he tripped, but i luckily caught him and brought him inside. i went to my cabinet and grabbed asprin and water. "luke, why are you here?" i asked handing him the water an asprin.
"michael," he slurred, "why didn't you call me? do you hate me? do you hate that i'm dating calum? michael, i'm sorry..." he dozed off before he could finish.
i lied him down on the couch and put a blanket over him. i kissed his forhead out of habit, but didn't care to acknowledge the little smirk on his face-- he probably thought i was calum.
- - - -
when i woke up the next morning, luke was gone. my apartment was vacant and there was a note on the table. "you were always good at taking care of me. - luke"
i feel so alone. i miss luke. i need luke. i want luke.
(A/N:)
hey 2 updates in 2 days!
i hope these are long enough.
i'm really sorry i this chapter is weird, but i'm listening to poetry because i love poetry so much and this happened.
so everyday leading up to valentines day i'm going to post a card from me to you.
chapter 41 question:
how old are you?
- ashley xx
