Anakin Skywalker Imagines

Afraid

•An Anakin Skywalker x female reader angst imagine.

•Warnings: references to the experience of sexual harassment, references to depression, the reader is touch starved and afraid of commitment.

•A/N: this fic is very self-indulgent. Sorry in advance if you can't relate or if this isn't very all-around neutral. Also another author's note at the end.

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You blink, a pair of watery eyes stare ahead at the wall ahead of you. Tense hands grasp at the blankets that wrap around you in a cacoon, clutching on to what seemed like little reality you had.

You were in your head with what seemed like little escape.

Staring at the wall, feeling like it would close in around you at any given second, squeezing you in into a small confinement.

The walls would push inward, pressing forward until they began to crush your body, bones would break and you would keep screaming and screaming, except, you couldn't even hear yourself--the walls, soundproof.

No one would hear you scream even if you tried.

Though, that's what you believed.

You had been laying there all day, except to get up to go use the restroom or to get something to eat. Though it was rare. You had hardly eaten or gotten something to drink so you weren't up to use the restroom frequently. And of course, with this state your body was in, it completely ignored the need for food.

You hadn't meant for you to get like this. Normally you'd brush away those thoughts that would incline you to fall back into a depressive state, but somehow they had intruded your barrier and begun to bleed into your mind.

Words of depreciation crept into your mind, whispering into your ear with a harsh raspy voice, sharp talons withering away at your skull, reminding you of just how unworthy you were and how you didn't deserve any sort of love or appreciation.

You were foolish to believe the voices.

Even if that wasn't enough, these things would play with your memories, bringing up old ones that would bring you pain.

Memories specifically of... Foreign touches. Unwanted, foreign touches. Whispers of manipulation. Bribes to play your at thoughts, teasing you that it had been your fault and not theirs.

You would curse yourself for letting you trust someone like that. How could you let someone do that? How come you couldn't say no? Even when you did, he wouldn't stop? How come you couldn't see past his charming smile, his manipulative words of affirmation, or his ever-so-dreamlike body?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

How could you have been so vulnerable? Where was the guard? Where was the wall?

It was nowhere to be found, of course.

Except for now.

Now they were up.

Now you wouldn't let anyone see past your thick barriers. You wouldn't even let anyone place a finger on you. If they did you'd tense up and jolt and remove yourself from their touch. You'd always done that. You'd freak out at the slightest sensation of love and support and curse yourself for letting someone even get that close to being able to do so.

Though, lately, it was strange that someone had come into your life to change that, except something was telling you that they secretly hated you.

Anakin Skywalker was the one who you had let into your life.

Both of you had tough barriers and it was hard for both of you to allow each other into your life, but he was letting his guard down easier than you were.