SNL 2020

Goodbye 2020

Me: Just tell me what I can do to make this day better for you. I'll do it.

Qing: You will?

I nodded.

Qing: Anything?

(Dayu! Its a trap!)

I know its a trap so I hesitated.

Qing: (sighing as he saw my hesitation) (resigned tone) Never mind...

Me: No! No! I'll do anything. Anything. Any. Thing.

Qing: (smiling) Really?

Me: (nodding) Really. Really.

I know I am entering my own door of doom but this is love. This is me walking on fire for the man I love. For Qing, I'll do anything.

Qing: Then be my slave for a day.

(Goodluck, Dayu ah)

Me: (nodding) Alright. I'll be your slave. Heck, I am declaring it! As of this moment, I am your slave for 24 hours.

Joy finally entered Qing's eyes. He moved to hug me, both arms and legs. He trapped me against his body.

Qing: Okay first, I want you to put Mr.OCD away...

Me: No. I can't.

Qing: Fine, give Mr.Paranoid a vacation.

Me: (taking a moment to think) He can't. He said he will launch a hunger strike if I send him away.

Qing: Mr.Overthinker?

Me: You just activated him.

Qing: Mr.Overworrier?

Me: He and Mr.Overthinker are twins, remember? They won't leave each other. If one will stay, both of them has to stay.

Qing: (sighing) (hug slacking) What kind of slave are you? You keep saying no to your Master.

Me: (pouting as I play on the collar of his tshirt) Master keeps asking for impossible thing. Master should start with simple things first. Like, sing or dance. I can do both.

Qing: I just want a quiet moment with you.

Me: (smiling) We can do that.

I laid my head on Qing's arm and we just lay on that bed together. Facing each other. Staring into each other's eyes.

Me: (softly) I wish time will stop.

Qing: Me too.

Me: It has been such a year right?

Qing: Yes.

Me: So, Mr.Wang Qing...how was your first year of being engaged to me?

Qing: It was an experience indeed.

Me: Are you happy?

Qing: Ecstatic.

Me: Me too. I mean, I know this year is totally whack but...it sure is memorable as the first year that we spend as an engaged couple.

Qing: True.

Me: I regret hurting you.

Qing: I know. Just let me be sad once this day arrive. Tomorrow I'll be fine, I promise.

Me: I know. And I'm letting you be sad today. I'm just not letting you be sad alone.

Qing turned silent. Then he moved to fully hug me. He kissed my temple.

Qing: How did I deserve you?

Me: (hugging him back) Because you are wonderful. Master...

Qing chuckled and we kept on hugging.

Don't worry, I stayed with your Baba as he get through the first year anniversary of the day his heart got broken. I didn't let him wallow in sadness alone. I stayed with him. And I'll stay with him until he stopped hurting when this time of the year comes.

With this entry, I am closing SLN 2020. Right now, I am thinking if I want to continue writing a diary in 2021. To be honest, its getting a bit hard to unjumbled my thoughts and there are truly moments when I don't even know what to write.

Also, I don't want my entries to be repeatitive. Even though life is like that. Life is a repeatitive process. You wake up, you try to survive the day, you sleep thinking about the person who matters to you the most, and then you repeat the process the next day. I don't know, maybe I am worried that you, my dear readers, will start thinking that I am recycling my writings when in truth, things just keep on rehappening to my life.

Anyhow, thats just me thinking. I mean, I still don't know if I will start another year of journaling or not. Maybe I'll know once 2021 has started. For now, I am closing this year of my life. It was an interesting year, lets give it that. But 2020 was filled with trials, confusion and heartwarming moments that I failed to find the words to describe whats happening to my life and the world around me.

But its almost over. We have survived it. If you are reading this, I want to congratulate you, 2020 was a tough bitch but you are the badass who survived it. Give yourself some credit. Give yourself some pat on the back. You are a badass and you are amazing.

Thank you for sticking with me and my crazily insane life on 2020. As always, I am grateful for all the love I received from you, my dear readers.

This is Feng Jian Yu 2020, signing off.