You're All I Need《Nikki Sixx || Mötley Crüe || The Dirt》

{Deleted Scenes: Post-Partum Depression}

⚠️Warning: Scenes depicting the effects of post-partum depression and mental illness, as well as mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts. If affected, please️ read with caution. ⚠️ 

~~~~~

《1996》

*Nikki*

I groaned as I felt shifting next to me, and then heard it...

"N-No... No... No, please....." Mal's voice cried as she kept moving around in bed.

I sat up, turning the light on, looking over at Mal as she moved around in bed.

Shit... Not again.....

"Mal.... Mal, baby, wake up," I said softly, shaking her awake.

"N-Noooo.... P-Please, h-help....." she sobbed in her sleep.

"Baby, come on, wake up, please," I said.

She whimpered as she tossed and turned a bit before she suddenly cried out louder, and then yelped and sat up, crying and panting in shock as I quickly held on to her.

"Shhh shh shhh baby baby, hey, hey, it's just me, you're safe," I said as I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, comforting her.  "You're okay.... It was just a bad dream...."

She burst into tears and clung to me.

"It was the same nightmare as last time, wasn't it?" I frowned, looking down at her.

She sniffled, nodding. "Y-You were blue.... A-And wouldn't move, y-your skin was blue and c-cold.... V-Vince looked so bad, w-worse than Razzle did, t-they were there, too... Both of them....... A-And Tommy, too.... A-A-And Mick, he.... O-Oh my god..." she sobbed uncontrollably. "Everyone was there, and I-I tried to scream for help but.... But I-I couldn't make any noise...."

"Shhhh, shhhhhhh," I murmured as I held her close, and she clung to me when suddenly the baby monitor went off, Zander's crying making us look over.

"L-Let me go get him," she quickly said, pulling away and standing up, wiping her tears.

"Baby, wait, let me-"

"N-No, no no no, I-I can do it," she said, sniffling as she pulled her bath robe on and rushed out to the nursery.

I sighed, my hand against my forehead.

After Zander was born, post-partum depression hit Mal harder than it ever did with Jasper.

At least with Jasper, she'd only be a little blue, some trouble sleeping, and she'd deal with some anxiety, along with an appetite change.

With Zander, however, everything that could make her feel like shit happened, along with her nightmares coming back. She's barely eating or sleeping, her anxiety and stress has been through the roof, she's fatigued and exhausted almost all the time, she'd be so sad and cry over almost everything and anything, major mood swings, and so much more.

She's scared she's not bonding well with Zander, or even Jasper for that matter, she's withdrawn from everyone, even Mick of all people, she's been paranoid, a few times she'd barely even let me touch her at all.

With all she's going through with this, I'm scared of her suicidal thoughts coming back.

My thoughts are pulled away by Jasper's monitor going off and I decided to go to his nursery to check on him, since Mal was with Zander.