You're All I Need《Nikki Sixx || Mötley Crüe || The Dirt》

{Chapter Seventy-Four}

*Vince*

It was finally the day we leave to tour.

We were all really happy for MJ and Nikki, but at the same time we were pretty worried.

Last time MJ lost a baby, I ended up performing CPR on her seizing body after she purposely ingested 2 whole bricks of cocaine and a bunch of different pills, two months after burying her boyfriend at the time.

If she loses this baby, too, I can't even imagine what this could do to her mentally...

When Sharise and I were first expecting Skylar, at the begining we were told how that within 3 months, a miscarriage can happen, and we had to be prepared if it did happened, even being given specific support groups and therapies for it and stuff in the case that it ever did. Thankfully, Skylar made it through.

MJ was a different story, though... She barely even had a month when she was expecting Razzle's baby, and losing that baby broke her even more than she already was, even almost sent her over the edge when she tried to kill herself, and her addiction got worse.

She tells me she's doing her best to mentally prepare for the worst and just trying to stay positive and hopeful, especially since she's about month and a half along right now.

The girls have supported her ever since we were told, and agreed to stay with her to help her, as well as call if anything comes up. Skylar's also staying with them, and MJ's cousin's Alexis is going to be visiting for a while to be with her. Even Tommy's sister was agreeing to help out.

It is gonna be weird not having MJ on tour with us for a while, though. She's usually the one who always makes sure we're up on time and don't miss check ins and shows and stuff, and also makes sure we're eating and not sick, and if we are she'd take care of us.

On top of that's she has never missed a single Crüe tour, ever. Yeah, there were times she would join the tour late, like but she had to stay behind and help with Miss Dottie's funeral or go to Arizona because her dad died, but she was always there at the end of the tour, no matter what.

I do understand why she has to stay behind, though, and honestly, even Tommy would have probably lost his shit, too, if she risked more than 2 months on tour travelling and stuff.

Though honestly, I can't imagine how Nikki is dealing with all of this.

He promised to stick by MJ's side through this, he's worried enough himself, and now he's gotta travel to the other side of the world without her with us for the first time while she's at home with a pregnancy that nobody knows will see the next week, let alone day.

He was comforted a bit the other day when we all went to an ultrasound appointment and we got to hear the baby's first hearbeats. I don't think I've ever seen Nikki cry until he heard those little thumps (... Then again, I did the same with my kid, too....).

I watched outside through the bus window as Nikki and MJ said their goodbyes. Tommy, Mick and I already said our goodbyes to her, and then we left her and Nikki to say theirs.

*flashback*

I looked up at MJ as she stood by Nikki.

"How far along are you?" Sharise asked, obviously looking worried.

"About 5 weeks," MJ said calmly.

"And.... D-Do you feel okay? No pain or anything?" Tommy asked.

She shook her head. "No... So far, everything seems fine, there's no red flags, but.... It can still happen," she said. "Maybe not today, but maybe tomorrow or the day after, next week, next month, who knows.... That's my curse unfortunately.... Never knowing when and if, let alone least expecting it..."