Atlas (A Selection/Hat Films Fanfiction)

~ Thirty Eight ~

I pushed Alex over to the dusty cot, a slightly more comfortable option than standing in the middle of the concrete room. He wrapped his hands around my waist as I crawled up to straddle his lap, our movements slow and languid from exhaustion. I was determined to stay awake through the night until the attack was done, wanting every sweet, secret second with Alex, and I thought we might be able to wake ourselves up if I urged more intense intimacy. I wouldn't pressure him, but I was desperate to realize the fantasies that afflicted me when I was around him.

I wanted to feel his skin against mine, his lips not enough to satiate me. I broke us apart, running my hands through his hair and gently guiding his head back to give me better access to his jaw and neck. I had imaged what it might be like to kiss him this way, and it didn't come close to the real feeling. To finally close that space that I had to keep between us until this - the lack of restraint was like breaking the surface after holding yourself underwater to see how long you could last.

I felt the sigh in his chest, heard it escaped his lips and flutter through my hair. It was relaxing just listening to it, and my heart pounded in my chest at the idea that I could so easily help him now. The tension melted from his shoulders as I reached his collar.

I ran my hands under his lapel to push his suit jacket up and off his shoulders, but as my fingers strayed towards his back, I felt his entire body flinch. He grabbed both of my wrists reflexively, his body once again tight and closed off.

I opened my eyes and blinked rapidly, trying to adjust back to the harsh lights of the bunker. His eyes were closed and had that pinched look to them when he was stressed. His jaw was set hard, and he looked less hurt and more frustrated.

"Sorry, Atlas," he whispered, opening his eyes but keeping them turned down to our laps.

"He did it again, didn't he?" I asked, feeling the blood drain from my face. He would have a new set of scars soon.

I shifted my weight, going step back on the floor and get off of him. "Don't go," he muttered, still not looking at me as he tightened his grip on my waist.

"Is that why you were in the infirmary?" I asked gently, putting it all together.

There was a tiny nod of his head in response.

We were silent, but Alex looked up to watch his hands as they slowly moved up my waist. He explored me, his hands sliding around my back and drifting back down to my stomach. The fabric of my bodice made it hard to feel his touch, but it still made my breath pick up. I kept my fingers knit around his neck, allowing better access and keeping my arms out of the way.

"I'm sorry," he repeated, finally looking up at me, "I want you. . . I really want you. It just-"

"No, it's okay," I quickly jumped in, correcting him, "I wasn't trying to do anything too intense. . . I'm not letting you lose your virginity in a concrete bunker, Alex, not when you have a ten-thousand-dollar bed upstairs." I let my head fall to the side, smirking to break the tension.

That made him give me a breathy laugh as he lowered his head, catching a peek at his mouth as he subtly bit his bottom lip. Just that sent a shiver down my spine. I absently wondered how I could have survived four months being around Alex without devouring him.

I fell back on his thighs, and he shuffled back on the bed to give me more room to kneel on the bed. "We could make a run for it?" he shrugged, trying to make a joke but then frowning, "I guess I shouldn't be making jokes during a raid on the castle."

He was right, but I was also selfish.

"We'll feel ashamed once we leave here," I cooed, absently running my hand down his chest.