January 20, 2015
A S P E N
"So tell me. How's Raff?" Darcey asks.
My best friend and I haven't talked in person since my multiple dates with Raff, so I don't think she really knows how amazing I think he is. Yeah, I've texted her, but I didn't say everything over text.
"Oh my gosh, he's great. He likes the same music as me, he doesn't care that I'm 500 pounds, he's so funny, he's huge, he's everything I want in a guy." I say. "Do you think it's too good to be true?"
"Well first of all, you are not five hundred fucking pounds. Second, just go for it. He's a great guy from what I know." She says. A smirk wipes the neutral expression off of her face and she pokes my knee with her foot. "So how far have you gotten with him?"
"What?" I chuckle, even though I know what she means. When I say Darcey likes sex, I'm not joking. And I don't blame her, sex is probably great. But since I'm a virgin, I wouldn't know. The farthest I've ever gotten with a guy is giving him a blow job which was awkward and gross, needless to say.
"Have you kissed or something?" She asks, a weird tone in her voice. Sex is usually a first date thing with her, so to ask if Raff and I have kissed or not within two and a half weeks of dating must sound weird to her.
"No." I blush.
"And it's been almost three weeks? You've lost your game."
"What game? I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life!" I laugh at her remark.
"Yeah, because you haven't put yourself out there. If you went to parties with me, I'm almost positive guys would be crawling all over you. You've got the ass that most girls die for and that makes boys go crazy."
"Yeah, and the stomach that some girls die because of." I sigh and move my eyes back to the TV.
I know my idiotic statement on suicide was insensitive, but I needed a reason to shut Darcey up and it worked. Whenever a conversation on my body pops up, a lump forms in my throat and I feel like crying. I hate my body, which is sad but believable considering I'm overweight.
No you're not fat, Aspen, you've got curves.
Yeah, I'm fucking sick of hearing that shit. I've got muffin tops and thick thighs and a non flat stomach. Some girls can really rock love handles, big thighs, and a belly, but I can't. I'm hopeless.
"I wish you would stop putting yourself down like that. I hate seeing my best friend's self esteem all shitty." Darcey sighs. I look at her face which is covered with a frown.
This always happens too. Pity. Darcey and Chloe are always pitying me because I don't have the body I wish I could have. I hate it.
"I'm okay." I fake a small smile.
And before you think anything, no I'm not depressed. I don't self harm anymore, I don't starve myself, I don't binge and purge. It breaks my heart when girls or guys do that to themselves and I hope only the best for them. But, I really love food so starving would never be an option. And though I may hate my body, I love myself and who I am.
"No, you're not, but I'll change the subject." She shakes her head, sighing yet again. "What happened with that guy we saw at the mall?"
"Calum? Oh, he's great! Before I met you, he was my bestest friend ever. We hung out for hours the other night and we watched movies and pulled pranks on his roomies." I laugh, remembering the fun night.
"You have two guys on your list? You whore." She says and I laugh so hard, I worry about waking my sister.
"No, no, no, I don't think of Calum in that way in the slightest. He's like a brother." I chuckle.
"A very attractive brother with a poppin' jawline." The pink headed girl chuckles.
"Yeah, Calum isn't hard to look at, but I can't imagine myself dating him or doing anything with him." I shrug.
"Right. All you can think about is Raff." She mocks me and I kick her thigh like she did to me.
"When are you going to make a move anyway?" She rests her head on the arm rest at the edge of the couch and closes her eyes, so I take it as my chance to stare at the TV and not wonder if she's thinking that I'm not paying attention to her.
"I don't know. I don't want to go too fast."
"You are such a child. I have sex sometimes without even knowing the guy's name. Most people kiss on the first date. If you don't do something physical with him soon, he's gonna wonder if you're physically attracted to him or not... Admit it... You want to kiss that face of Raff's."
"Yeah, of course I do. I've been dying to. But he hasn't shown me that he wants to." I say.
"Oh my god, you're acting like you're gonna bang. It's just kissing, Aspen." She laughs.
"Very true. Maybe I'll go for it on our next date this Saturday." I say.
"Good for you!" She laughs. "Raff's a keeper. Any guy that just wants to hang out and eat pizza for the first date is a find."
"Not denying that."
[an]
This chapter is shorter than Sam Pepper's dick, but you know how Aspen thinks now so yeh.
BTW this book isn't putting down thin girls, I'm just giving the thicker girls a chance to shine for once :-)
All of you are beautiful
