if you're looking for a good cry, listen to the song while reading this okay? or not, i mean, you do you.
February 23, 2015
A S P E N
Driving home, I start to get more and more worried. All day, I was alone in the bookshop, wondering where my grandma was. She never showed up. But, since her birthday was yesterday I decided in my head that she just took a day off and forgot to call me. I mean, I really shouldn't be worried for my grandmother, she is seventy one and ten times as experienced in life as I am. She knows what she's doing.
At a red light, as I sigh and look around the empty and dark intersection, my phone starts buzzing in my back pocket. I quickly fish for it in my jeans, my butt lifted off the seat, before answering the call and putting it on speaker so I can drive with both of my hands on the wheel.
I don't even say anything before my mum speaks.
"Aspen..." Her worried and sad voice says.
Something's wrong. My mom's always been a happy and bubbly person, never letting anything get her down. If her voice cracks as she speaks, there's something that has hurt her. Something has happened.
"What is it? What's happened?" I ask quickly, as the light turns green.
"Are you driving?" She asks, hearing the noise around me, most likely.
"Yes. What's happened?" I repeat.
"Grandma Lil... She's passed, honey. In her sleep last night." Mum says.
The color drains from my face. My breaths become short.
Dead? No. No. She's healthy, she always has been.
"It was old age, sweetheart. No one could've done anything. We wanted to tell you in person, but you had to know. She loved you, Aspen."
"She can't be dead, Mum. Are you sure?" My pathetic, weak voice whimpers.
Dead.
"We're sure, honey. Do you want us to come over there?"
"No! No, I- I want to be alone!" I lie and press the red button, tossing my phone into the front seat. Truth is, I don't want to be around my parents at a time like this.
Seeing a gas station, I jerk into the parking space and hastily stop the car. I roll up all the windows and double lock the car, leaning over and resting my head on the steering wall. And then the dam breaks. I cry so hard, and the tears fall so fast, its almost painful.
She's gone. My rock is gone. My boulder is gone. Just yesterday she was sat at the table, laughing and wearing a goofy party hat. She can't be gone... yet I know she is. Mum wouldn't lie to me about that.
She's not breathing anymore. The thought makes hot tears run down my face in despair. Grandma was the first person who saw the best in me. She looked past my fat and into my heart, getting to know me. Not even my parents offered that kind of love. She's the one who was keeping me from falling back into that deep, dark pit of depression.
