If u watch the video without crying, r u okay?
March 4, 2015
A S P E N
"I don't want to go! No!" I sob, pulling my body back as Chloe yanks on my wrist, attempting to get me out of bed.
"Aspen, please! She would want you to go, sis." Chloe fights, pulling and yanking on my arm. But I clutch onto my bed with my other hand, fighting just as hard. Both of us are acting like complete children.
"But, I can't go. I'll just cry the whole time. I don't want to cry." I say, as tears ironically run down my chubby cheeks.
"Then stop." Chloe sighs, and ceases her tugging. "Calum's going to be there. Raff's going. You'll be surrounded by people you know. Come on."
"What about Darcey?" I sniffle. I probably sound like a selfish bitch, wanting everyone to be at a depressing funeral, but I can't help it. Every human wants their favorite people beside them in a heartache, its normal.
"No, she has a school thing, I called her last night. She wishes she could be there, though." Chloe says, coming closer to me on the bed to rub my back. Heaving shakily in disappointment, I wipe my eyes with my palms, making them damp.
"We have to go, Asp. I know you don't want to, but it'll be over quickly, and then well go to Mum and Dad's house and you can stay up in your old room while people come and visit. You can have Raff and Calum come, okay?" Her words are soft spoken as she coaxes me out of bed. I slowly nod against my pillow.
"I'll be waiting outside while you get ready."
--
I can literally feel my hands shaking as Chloe and I approach Mountain View church. Mountain View is the church we used to go to as kids on Easter and Christmas Eve and other certain religious holidays, and I actually relished it. The church was a movie theater back in the eighties, so there are still movie theater chairs in all six big rooms that used to show new movies. But, knowing that I'm here because of the death of one of my best friends makes my insides shrivel up inside of me.
Chloe and I walk inside, making our way to the third old theater room, where the service is being held. My shriveled stomach twists and turns in knots and my heart is being tugged at as I try my hardest not to cry. All I've been doing for the past week and a half is cry until my eyes literally couldn't spill tears anymore and whenever they started to pour out tears again, I couldn't tell because I was so used to it happening.
"I'll gonna sit with Mum and Dad if you want to come." Chloe jabs her thumb in the direction of where our parents are sitting. Mum's crying. I don't want to sit with her, or I'd mirror her actions. Chloe said Raff will be here and he most likely won't cry, I'll just sit with him. But, I really should sit with my family since this is a family thing. My mum could probably use the whole family sitting with her, since her mum is resting in a coffin in the front of the room, and I really don't think anyone shares her pain as much as I do.
As I'm struggling with an internal battle, I feel someone tap on my shoulder and know its not Chloe since she's on the opposite side of me. I turn around to see Raff, dressed in black from head to toe like everyone else in the old movie theater turned church.
Without saying anything, he wraps his strong arms around my wide hips, and hugs me tightly to him. Hearing Chloe's footsteps walk away on the floor still slightly sticky from old spilled soda, I leave a peck on Raff's neck just below his ear as he strokes my hair. The soft swaying fulfills me slightly.
