March 22, 2015 (technically the 23 bc it's the early early morning so yeah)
A S P E N
After about thirty minutes of watching Spongebob, every episode we'd sing the theme sing obnoxiously loud, Calum and I decide it's time to start getting ready for bed. Of course, I agree to a sleepover when I don't have clothes to change into. Typical dumb Aspen move. I roll over on the bed, my back facing Calum, and close my eyes, hoping to god that he doesn't offer clothes for me to sleep in.
I feel the weight beside me lift as he stands up and pads to his closet.
"You need clothes, right?"
Shit.
"Um... No, no, I don't. I'll just uh... Sleep in what I'm wearing." I look down at my jeans and know Calum won't settle for that. He's going to force me into wearing his clothes, I know it.
"You're not going to sleep in black skinny jeans, you'll roast!" Calum scoffs in disbelief. "Here's a shirt, and boxers. I'm going to take a shower, so you can change in here."
Not turning around to face him, I mutter an agreement, though I don't agree. I just want to sleep in my jeans, I'd be fine. I'm about to tell him this when the door shuts, indicating Calum has left. So then I turn around, looking at the clothes he's left for me.
No way in hell.
My butt would never be able to fit in those little things. They're so small. And my body is huge.
I grab the boxers, determination now pumping throughout my body, and stand up, kicking off my shoes. Before I take off my pants, I look to the door, noticing its unlocked. With a click, the door is quickly locked, making privacy inevitable. Using my gross hands, I shove my pants down my cottage cheese legs, doing a little shimmy to get them off.
When I pull the boxers up, the worst sound ever in the history of sounds, to a fat girl that is, rings throughout the room, bouncing off the walls, and into my brain, bobbing all through my skull.
Riiiiipp.
Tears well up in my eyes, and I panickingly shove the ripped cloth off my body quickly, like it has some disease infested in it. I throw them with all my might and sit on the bed, the coldness of the sheets touching my thighs and startling me.
So I'm stuck standing, crying into my hands, wondering why I'm stuck with such an awful body. If I was skinny, I could put those boxers on with ease, maybe ending up with them being baggy. They wouldn't have ripped and I wouldn't be crying right now of horrible embarrassment.
Calums going to walk in here, see the boxers, and look at me in disgust. And all because I'm fat.
Minutes pass of me just crying and standing in my underwear, before the doorknob jiggles.
Fuck.
"Hey, let me in." Calum says nonchalantly, having no idea that I'm crying my eyes out.
I try with all of me to mask the roughness of crying in my voice, and yell "Hold on," as I yank my skinny jeans back up my legs. It gets tougher to pull them up around my thighs, but I hike them up and button them, letting out a deep and shaky breath.
"Aspen... Chummy, are you crying?"
"No." I obviously lie, my voice sticky and sounding like someone stepped on it.
"Let me in. Please..." His voice softens as he knocks on the door again. "We can talk, okay? I won't say a word, I'll just listen. But, you have to let me in."
My heart racing, my face hot, my hands shaking, I gulp and open the door. Immediately, Calum, who's clad in sweatpants and sporting no shirt, jumps on the situation, saying "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I'm just going to go home, this was a bad idea." I weakly say, clutching my keys off of his nightstand.
"No, wait." The door shuts behind him and he pushes me gently back on the bed. I sit with a defeated huff, and play with my fingers in my lap.
"What's wrong? Why aren't you dressed?" He asks softly, putting his hand on top of both of mine.
Calum has big hands. Bigger than Raff's. And he's taller than Raff, too. But, that's not what I should be thinking about right now- how Calum has so much more attractive qualities than Raff.
"Don't be mad, Cal." I say, tears flowing and flowing down my cheeks, feeling more and more vulnerable as seconds pass.
"Why would I get mad?"
"Because my fat ass ripped your underwear." I choke out, and break down into a harder sob, but quickly stop it in an attempt to be strong.
Calum just chuckles, and snakes both of his arms around my big waist, resting his cheek on top of my hair. He shoots closer, his small hip against my bigger one.
"Aspen, there's no need to cry about that."
"Yeah, there is. If I was skinny, it wouldn't have happened." I groan.
"Stop it..."
"No! If I could just loose fifty, maybe even a hundred pounds, I could be normal! I would be able to do things other girls do, and I could experience things in confidence. I wouldn't have had to go through shit in middle school if I were skinny because no kids would've bullied the sanity out of me! If I could just be beautiful, I'd be happy. I could've been happy my whole life, if I was just beautiful..."
"But, you are beautiful. No matter what you say, you'll still be beautiful to me. Forget about your past, forget about everything! And just listen to me when I say... You. Are. Beautiful." Calum says, making me speechless. The breath is sucked out of me and my sobs come to a screeching halt.
"No matter what size, Aspen."
[an]
WOW 10K WTF WOW IM SO HAPPY I COULD CRY !!!!1!!!!
In a quick change of subject, how do you like this chapter/filler thing?
I find it funny that I made them watch Spongebob because there's an episode where Spongebob rips his pants and omg I'm a bad person bye
