March 26, 2015
A S P E N
I close my eyes against the sweatshirt Raff decided to wear, as his hands rest on my back, just above my butt. He pecks a kiss onto my lips, and grabs the remote, turning off the TV, the only thing now surrounding us being darkness. We both lay on his bed, holding each other.
"I love you, baby." Raff sighs into my ear. I chuckle and kiss him again, though I'm mostly just trying to get out of saying it back to him. It feels wrong when I say it. But, I know I have feelings for him or else I'd be gone. I don't want to be gone.
And then all together, something totally different takes over my mind. My breath hitches, and without thinking, I pull my hand away from his chest, where it was lying.
"What's wrong, babe?"
Even in the darkness, I can see that his eyes meet mine, and the corner of my mouth rises into a small smile as he kisses my chipmunk cheek.
"I uh- I have something to tell you. I've been hiding it for a long time, and I think you should know now that we've, you know, said that we love each other." I say, my tone nervous.
"Shoot."
"In middle school, I was terribly bullied because of my weight." I start, but he cuts me off with a sigh, and pulls me closer, giving me comfort that I need to pull through. "People called me names, some girls beat me up, boys used to ask me out just to lead me on and laugh at me with their friends, all because I was different than them. It was really really bad, Raff."
"Oh, Aspen."
"It got so bad to where I started self harming." Another sigh. Or it was a gasp, I can't tell. "And I was bulimic. Eventually, my parents found out through my psychiatrist, and they put me in a mental hospital for some of seventh grade and through the summer to eighth grade."
"That's... That's awful." Raff replies, and kisses my lips for a quick second, pressing his forehead to mine afterwards.
"I was in prison and I wasn't even fourteen. The only person that ever visited me was my grandma."
"And she's not here anymore." He says, understanding, like everything we've ever talked about, and everything that's happened this past month, is clicking in his brain.
"Don't get upset with me, but the only reason I agreed on a blind date with you was because I was trying to break my walls. I've always wanted to be confident, and to put myself out there to shake off my experience in the hospital. I actually thought I wasn't going to like you and I really really do." I tell him, grabbing one of his hands that's resting on my back and intertwining our fingers in between our bodies.
"I'm glad that I was the start of your confidence. Though... I've never seen you wear shorts. And you don't like tag along to the parties I go to. I know your confidence level isn't that high, but I love that you're starting somewhere." His other hand slides underneath me, and meets my cheek, and he traces circles right under my eye, before kissing my lips. He then sighs, before pulling away and pressing his forehead to mine.
"I also have a secret to tell you. And it's really bad."
My heart clenches, and I let him continue, hoping it's not anything that will change my mind about him.
"Growing up, I never had a mom or dad to raise me. I went from one foster home to another, and was never taught the right way. I was a druggie, I'm just going to put it out there. I smoked pot a lot. And the friends I have now smoke too." He stops talking, expecting me to say something, but I stay silent, not knowing what to say. So instead, I duck my head down and rest it against his chest. "I stopped a while ago, but being around them alone is hard, you know? I'm always tempted, but I manage to stop myself."
I interrupt him, "I'll go with you... To hang out with your friends. I'll be there to help you, Raff." I offer.
"No." He says, and I take it to offence, even though I know I shouldn't. "You wouldn't like my friends. They're mean, to be honest. I don't want you around them."
"Raff, I'm not a child. We can both benefit from me meeting your friends. It would help our relationship because I would get to know your life better. It would push me to get out there, and maybe I'll get out there more often. And you would have someone there to stop you from doing anything you'd regret..." I push.
"Fine. I was going to go to Johnny 's house tomorrow night, if you want to go. But, I'm warning you now, they're really mean. But I'll be there to stick up for you, okay? I love you." He smiles, and I wrap my arms around his neck, slipping one of my legs in between his.
"I love you back."
Cue the make out session.
--
[an]
filler filler filler
next chapter might have some drama but idkk
but for sure in a few chaps something juicy will happen ::--))
