Give Me Courage (BWWM)

Chapter 2 Why Me?

(Olivia POV)

"We will immediately get you into treatment, and you will fight this, Olivia."  Dr. Nila said.

He continued talking to me, I was staring at him, but his words weren't registering with me.

My mind was going crazy. I'm going to die, aren't I?

 What did I ever do wrong? Am I being punished for what I did? Is this my punishment?  If so, tell me how I can make it right?

I don't want this, I don't deserve this, not after all the things I've been through. None of this is fair.

I briefly closed my eyes, wanting this to be a dream, I'll open my eyelids, and I'll find myself on my bed, in my bedroom, and this will all be a bad dream.

That didn't happen; when I opened my eyes, I was still in Dr. Nila's office, the realization hitting me that all of this was happening, none of this was a dream.

This is it...

I'm going to die...

I slowly got up from my chair, causing the doctor to stop talking, and looked at me with a stunned expression.

"I need some air," I said, more to myself than to him.

I turned around, opened the office door, and walked out.

"Ms. Blessing! Ms. Blessing, please come back. Let's talk about this; you can fight this, Olivia!"I heard the doctor yell out as I continued walking away. I was getting glances from people passing by, but I ignored them as I continued to leave.

I found myself bumping into other doctors, nurses, and patients on my out of the hospital.

I don't know how long it's been since I've started walking, but when I finally paid attention to my surrounding, I found myself standing next to the crosswalk with other pedestrians.

As usual, the city was busy, and I watched as the cars continued to drive by, not a care in the world.

Wow, I can't believe this is happening to me. Did I think I would be able to live a good life after everything I've gone through?

I let out a humorless laugh, catching some attention from the people next to me.

Why even go on? I'm going to die anyway; mind as well, make it quicker.

Right?

"Hey, Lady, that's not a good idea." A man next to me said as I took a few steps forward into oncoming traffic.

Horns, tires screeching, people yelling were all the noises now that were surrounding me.

At least it was better than being left with my thoughts.

Before I knew it, something hit me, which caused my body to fly a few feet away and fall.

More screams came as I lay on the street.

I haven't felt suicidal in a long time, but maybe I should have embraced it and ended it a long time ago.

Maybe, I should have just not gone on.

 "Oh my fucking God. I'm so sorry." A man said, approaching me.

He got on the ground next to me. His eyes were roaming my body, probably looking at my injuries, and his face looked distressed.

"I'm so sorry; I didn't see you. Please, stay awake, okay? We're going to get you help." He said, looking at me with a worried expression.

He's wasting his time.

Help? For who? Me?

No point; I'm going to die anyway. This was my karma. That bitch just couldn't let me live a life with no pain and suffering after all.

I started to feel weak; my eyelids were starting to get heavy.

So, this is what it feels like to die slowly.

"Hey, no, no. No closing your eyes, okay, look at me, come on, look into my eyes, and keep your eyes open." The man said, causing me to make eye contact with him.

He gave me a soft smile, his face drenched with tears.

"There we go, stay awake, okay. That's it." He said. My eyelids fluttered a little, and I could hear the distress in his voice as he tried to keep me awake.

"Stay with me, please stay with me." He said in a soft voice.

I stared at him; he had such pretty eyes. I guess this is not a bad sight to see before I die.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," I said before I fell into unconsciousness.