Chapter 44 : Processing

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Music Playlist -  Trey Songz - One Love

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   James Solomon

Once, I returned to the mansion, I took a hot steamy, long shower, letting the water fall down my body.

I closed my eyes, still in shock that my mother was gone.

My heart was broken

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My heart was broken.

Dewayne took away the person that gave me life.

She was my rock when I needed strength.

This was so surreal.

I thought about all the memories we shared.

The last time I saw my mother was at the hospital, when she was in distress, going into cardiac arrest.

I expected to get her the best doctors- so she could be back in good health and now sadly, I have to prepare for her funeral soon.

She wasn't the perfect woman and she may have not made the best decisions in her marriage to Micheal, but she always made sure that I was taken care of and always let me know that she loved me every chance she got.

After, I showered and got dressed into nothing but my basketball shorts I remained shirtless.

My phone had been going off all night, I didn't wanna check my social media accounts, or my text messages.

It was all the same. Nothing but, people sending their condolences and  I didn't want any sympathy or pity. 

I eventually got tired of hearing my phone go off, so I decided to put it on airplane mode from hearing all the annoying ass notifications.

I took my remote turned on my Beats speakers and played music out loud.

All I wanted to do was drown out my thoughts.

Soon, I went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of Hennessy from the cabinet.. and all I could do was drink at a time like this.

What was pain?

This was far far worse than that.

I didn't want to feel anything.

I had been through a lot of shit in life but, this shit hit differently.

How was I possibly going to move forward without my mother?

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