Once Upon A Time

Kabanata 05

From that day forward, I see myself hiding whenever I see him walking around the corridor. Saving myself from embarrassment. I just can't let him see me whenever I'm embarrassing myself.

Today is our exam. Bukod sa kabado ako na baka magulat nalang ako na naglalakad na sa labas si Jett papunta sa classroom niya o paalis, kabado din ako sa magiging grades ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nakayanan na hayaan si Jett na yakapin ako noong araw na 'yon.

We've become the talk of the campus, instant celebrity. Akala ng lahat ay may namamagitan sa aming dalawa. That's why Jett on that day was being so sweet, back hugging me at the public not minding the stares of the students around. But little did they know ofcourse, that what they are thinking was not true. It never happened. Because he hugged me to save me from embarrassment, though I already was.

It is very chaotic for me to think of that day. Dinaig pa ang World War II sa gulong dala no'n sa utak ko. Solid. Ni hindi ko ata nakayanang matulog no'ng araw na 'yon. I don't know if it was really a coincidence that he always appeared whenever I'm at my very embarrassing moment of my life. Like what the actual fuck? Of all people why him, right?

"Natutulog kapa ba?" Dave asked as he handed me a box of chocolate.

Tinitigan ko ang chocolate na binibigay niya sa akin. "Anong gagawin ko diyan?" tanong ko.

"Titigan mo baka mabusog ka." I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Natutulog kapa ba?" tanong niya ulit, for the second time.

"Oo naman." I lied. I didn't get enough sleep for the past 2 days. I haven't sleep more than 4 hours, to be honest.

"Liar." he said, umiiling pa siya habang nakatingin sa akin. "You still look pretty though. Just add the bags below your eyes."

Again, for the second timeㅡI rolled my eyes in annoyance. Sinong matutuwa? I know I looked like someone who woke up after 10 years of being dead. Yes, I looked horribleㅡI looked so bad that you'll think that I'm one of the zombies in the korean movie Train to Busan.

"Bakit nga ba hindi ka natutulog, Nicky?" now, it's Jiro's turn to asked.

"Natutulog ako."

"Hindi ako naniniwala." sabay na sabi nila.

Napailing nalang ako, sa totoo lang masakit talaga ang ulo ko. I'm not ok, feeling ko magkakasakit ako dahil sa puyat. But ofcourse, I can't let that happened specially today. Hindi pwedeng mapunta sa wala lahat ng pagpupuyat ko para lang maintindihan kung bakit hinahanap ni Math ang X niya. At kung bakit ang tanga ni Romeo para maniwalang totoong patay na si Juliet.

3rd year is not that easy. Pero hindi ako pwedeng sumuko. How can I give up when I'm not even close to the finish line yet?

Nasa kalahati palang ako ng pagtupad sa mga pangarap ko kaya paano ako susuko ngayon?

Ito ang mahirap sa estudyante, they need to take care of their health yet they have to stay up so late at night just to study the same lesson their teacher teach them for them to have an answer when they were called for a recite.

Mahirap pero kailangan. We need to manage our time for our 8 subjects a day. To have enough time for each subjects for us to have an answer when the recitation came.

Health is important so as our grade. That's why we need to know how to manage our time well. We can't waste our time for nonsense because when it's done, you can't bring it back. That's the importance of time.

And as of me, easy to said than done. Me, myself can't manage my time well 'til now.
"I took a nap, ok? And nap is still considered as-"

"It's not." Dave cut me off, as if he already knew what I'm about to say.

"Atleast I took a nap."

"Yet, not enough to make you look like a human?" sinamaan ko ng tingin si Jiro.

Madalas talaga wala siyang masabing matino.

"I need to pass the exam, okay? I'm not born genius like the two of you na kahit hindi mag-aral may maisasagot. Yung kahit hindi napag-aralan kayang-kaya niyong ipasa. Hindi ako gano'n, that's why I need to sacrifice my sleep whenever the exam is near. I need it to pass. I need it to mentain my grades because I'm afraid to lose the both of you. I'm afraid to failed because I'm afraid to be away from the two of you. That's why I'm willing to look like a zombie ready to eat your brain just to pass this exam."

Tinalikuran ko na sila matapos kong sabihin 'yon at pumasok na sa loob ng classroom. They're just concern, but I can't be that understanding type of friend specially when I lack of sleep.

They are still standing at the door step. Still shock about my confession. Well, I'm being honest. I may not be the sweetest kind of friend, I may not have the romantic bone that everyone had, but atleast I'm honest.

I'm having a hard time stopping myself from sleeping. Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko na pakiramdam ko umiikot ang paligid ko. Mainit din ang pakiramdam ko na para bang pinapaso ako. The aircon in our classroom didn't help because I feel like I'm at the freezer, freezing to death.

Our exam was about to start yet I feel like I can't make it. Na pakiramdam ko lahat ng pinag-aralan ko mapupunta sa wala. Na natatakot ako kasi ayoko. Kasi gaya ng sabi ko, I can disapoint others but not myself. I should reach my expectations.

But what I've been feeling today is not the way I imagine my exam day. I didn't know that staying so late at night just to understand all the bullshitness of math would make me sick today.

Yeah, regret is really not in the beginning. You can't regret something that doesn't happened yet.

I'm sick today. It happened and I'm regretting staying so late to the point that I've even fight the urge to sleep.

And today, I just feel like everything becomes so blured and I feel my world falling apart.

Oh it's not my world, it was me. Me in literal.

"Nicky!" that's the last thing I heard before everything went black.