Deception *h.s*

Chapter Seventeen

Songs for this Chapter:

Don't Wanna Be your Girl- Cover by Troye Sivan(I'm not too sure who originally sang this, leave a comment if you know who it is! x) 

The Fault in Our Stars- Troye Sivan

Clean- Taylor Swift

Bad Blood- Taylor Swift

Kiss Me- Ed Sheeran

Spaces- One Direction

The next few days are long and ragged, much like a breath pulled n from a cigarette on a cold night. My work pile has gradually been increasing and I suppose it's because the company is reaching year end, when we shut down for Christmas.

Thanksgiving is next week and I'm still unsure of what exactly my plans are. I decide that I'll have to ask Connor about it later.

Connor and I have been talking to each other on Skype for the past couple of days, our conversation mostly consisting of talk about my mother and the wedding which is to take place in just over a month and a half from now. My wedding.

It hits me that I am to be married, to be with Connor for my entire life. I will vow to be there for him in sickness an health, for richer and poorer... I will be his wife, and he will be my husband. When it comes to any challenges in my life, I will have to face them with him.My mind becomes cluttered with these thoughts, but for some reason, I cannot imagine us walking together down the aisle after being 'happily' married, and although my views of a remotely possible 'happy ending'  are slim, I can't imagine him as my happy ending. I brush off my pessimistic thoughts, this has to be done. I have to marry him. I ridicule myself for even reconsidering our marriage. I have to do this, there's no way I could not marry him. I'm presumably just having second thoughts an itchy feet, it's normal for all soon-to-be brides. 

"Oh.My God." Jesy and Camilla say in unison as I hesitantly walk through the curtain.

I stand on the platform, carrying along a much too heavy white dress along with me. I stare at myself in the mirror and turn back around to face the two ladies sat in front of me.

I decided to invite Camilla, Zayn's girlfriend, as well as Jess along for  the final fittings of my dress. 

"You look freaking hot Valerie. Your fiance' is going to flip the hell out when he sees you." Jesy says, chewing on some bubblegum. 

"She's right. The dress is a perfect fit on you." Camilla agrees and I turn around and stare at the mirror in front of me once more.

I do like this dress very much, I did when I first picked it back when I was in New York, before I moved. I picked this out with my mother. She would have loved to be here for the final fittings, I know she would. I can't help but hate the distance that runs between us. 

I stare at my reflection and the only thought that haunts me is the one little fact, that reminds that next month I will be in this very dress, walking down the aisle.

Later that day I drive back home in the almost-Winter's weather, with grey clouds mixing with blue ones. The sun shines brightly behind the clouds, almost begging to shine through. It's almost sunset and I decide that I'm not quite ready to drive home just yet.

 I drive through the city and find the one place where I didn't find myself feeling alone, despite the fact that I was, in fact, alone. 

I walk own the forest area where the trees form a canopy over me, and the orange and yellow leaves carpet the ground. I soon reach the end of the forest area, lost in thought and the sight before me baffles me. The lake is still and calm, contrasting to my raging thoughts. The beauty of it amazes me and I'm snapped out of my moment of awe when I hear a voice calling my name.