Desperate ~ Calum Hood (au)

39

Shannel

~~~~~~~~

She never slept that night.

It was three am and she was up, legs swung over the side of the bed facing the window watching the world go by as her cold body was kept sheltered by the thin white duvet. She wiped her eyes, removing each tear with the back of her hand as she sobbed silently, hoping not to be heard by anyone.

Looking out of the window at the clear sky she watched the stars, wondering if she would find another shooting one, so she could make another wish for she felt she had made a mistake with the first one.

'Be careful what you wish for'

That's what people always say and now she believed it, because she wished to to be loved, but did not define how much she needed to be as opposed to how much she wanted to be.

The love Calum showed now was not the love that she wanted...she did not want the lies, the secrecy, the constant need to doubt herself and wonder if she was good enough for him or if he even really loved her.

He told her he loved her very few times, but she noticed even that stopped a little while ago.

It was not what she wanted.

She wanted to wake up with someone there, someone who would always be there and did not need to choose one other person or group of people over her. She needed someone who would look past the life she had, someone who would take on the world for her. She needed someone who would know she was not okay...even when she lied and said she was.

She needed someone who she thought was Calum, but no longer believed it to be him.

He must have been sleeping now, or at least that's what she imagined he would be doing. Or maybe he was partying with his friends and other people, with other girls who were prettier and less troublesome than she was. Maybe they were all awake talking and laughing at her, maybe Calum was revealing all of her secrets...how she was in bed...how she kissed, what she was like naked.

All of these thoughts spread like wildfire and burned inside her mind.

She could not seem to contain herself any longer.

Her inner demons had won, they had taken control and it was no longer because she was lonely and she craved love, but because she found love and it hurt so bad that she did not know how to deal with it.

*

*

She remained awake for the duration of the night, the bags under her eyes growing darker and thicker and her mind grew more poisonous by the second.

She turned around in her bed and gazed at the space beside her, wishing for it to be filled with someone who would always love her and never leave, unlike Calum who had already broken his promise of never leaving her.

*

*

But instead it was filled with a poor excuse she had for love, security and everything else in between that she craved.

*

There, next to her, naked, bare and of course, full of money, lay an dirty old man with nothing better to do than to prey on the innocent.

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OH FUCK!! IM SORRY.

DO YOU GET THIS...I HOPE U GET THIS...OMG

WHAT AM I EVEN DOING

DOUBLE UPDATE

-S