Desperate ~ Calum Hood (au)

35

Shannel

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An hour or so later, after asking for her forgiveness and admitting that he believed her they sat together on the bed with their legs stretched out, fingers intertwined and her head resting on his chest as his was resting on the headboard.

He apologised many times, but she forgave him the first time around. She was just happy he believed her. The only interruption came from his phone which buzzed repeatedly on the bedside table but he didn't care to check the messages, knowing that his friends would only have something negative to say.

"Why don't you just text them?" She suggested, sighing as she turned her head to look up at him.

"Because they'll have nothing good to say." He mumbled.

"But...don't you think this will make things worse? I mean you can't keep up with this whole double life thing-"

"It's not-"

"Calum. It is. I mean you're with me, then you're with them because they don't accept me-"

"They just don't understand you." He shook his head. "Not like i do."

"Then tell them....make them understand. You shouldn't have to choose. It's not fair on you." She meant what she said, though she was mainly afraid that if Calum ever had to choose, it would not be her. She sat up, releasing her fingers from his and shifting her position on the bed as he copied, moving closer to her and wrapping his arms around her from behind, placing a gentle kiss on her neck.

She inhaled deeply closing her eyes and placing her hands over his as if mentally wanting to lock him in place so he would never leave her.

"I don't want to lose you." She whispered, trying her hardest to compose herself.

"You won't."

"How do i know that?"

"Because i'm not planning on leaving you." He kissed the skin of her shoulder slowly and instinctively she tilted her head back, allowing him more access to her skin.

He was already infatuated with her, but was still fearful to commit himself enough to say the three words she was longing to hear. Even so, she didn't ask him to say it, because she knew she couldn't make him...and apart of her feared that maybe he did not feel what she felt for him, but every time he touched her she just felt different...she felt loved.

She turned to him with a small smile on her face as they looked into each others eyes before she slowly leaned in and placed her lips on his, kissing him with everything that she was and all that she would ever be. Of course he kissed her with the same emotion, but was better at hiding it than she was.

She turned her body around to face his, moving to sit up onto her knees as her fingers combed through his hair and his hands traced the curves on her body at a dauntingly slow pace. He pulled her closer to him, placing her onto his lap and deepening the kiss.

A part of her began to grow uncomfortable, wondering if she was giving more to him than he was to her. She was unsure of how he felt about her and for piece of mind, she needed to know...especially if they were to going to make love to one another again.

She needed to make sure it would mean something.

Pulling away she lightly panted as she looked into his chocolate brown eyes.

"I can't do this." She shook her head. "I can't i-...i need to know how you feel about me."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, attempting to re-attach his lips to hers but she turned away, moving herself off his lap and climbing off the bed.

"Shannel, what's wrong."

"This...all of this is wrong. I don't know how you feel about me, you've never said anything." She explained, creating gestures with her hands. "How can we do this, i- i don't want to make love to someone who won't even tell me how he feels about me."

"I told you i cared about you."

"Yeah but that's it, how many more people do you 'care' about? Don't you feel anything stronger for me?" Of course the answer was 'yes' because what he felt for her was so much stronger than what he had felt towards another girl, but he struggled to admit it.

She shook her head at him, rolling her eyes disappointedly in the silence that followed before turning away in the direction of the bathroom, which had now become her place of hiding when she needed to get away.

He couldn't take watching her cry again because of his stupid mistakes, so without thinking twice...he admitted it and though his heart pounded once he had spoken and his palms began to sweat as a wave of nervousness took over him, when he saw the look on her face he knew it was all worth it and that really....there was nothing for him to be afraid of.

"I love you, alright!"

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THIS BOOK IS MAKING ME ILL WITH LOVE ITS NOT OKAY
THE NEXT ONE KILLED ME LIKE HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN ?
HOW CAN I KILL MYSELF WITH MY OWN BOOK *sigh :( *
THAT GIF DOES NOT HELP

-S

P.s. Fuck u calum