WICKED GAMES WITH THE MAFIA

HOLDING ON

My eyes fluttered open only to close then flutter open again and close. My body was stiff and painful, I could not move as I tried to pry myself from where I lay, the warmth a heavy anchor nearly sinking me back to sleep.

I finally was able to clear the haze in my mind, the eyes taking in the room.

His room.

I sighed, my eyes looking around in confusion. Silence filled the air, the only thing being heard a constant beep making me turn my head towards the right, a heart monitor beeping with lines moving around the screen and a wire connected to my arm. Confusion ate at me as I looked around, seeing my leg raised up, in a cast.

I could not figure out what was happening, seeing the empty room, my body suddenly shaking. My heart drummed, everything going loud and frantic, not sure what had happened but knowing it was bad, really bad.

The door was thrown open, a young lady rushing in, seeing me in my panic, tears streaming down my cheeks as I tried but failed to stop my convulsing body. I shook my head, the darkness of that night greeting me with flashes that I tried so hard to block. I didn't want to see, didn't want to remember.

Another person walked in and I nearly jumped off the bed, rushing to him but the lady was there, holding me down. More tears spilled out yet he was next to me in seconds, perplexed himself yet as soon as he took my eyes his face turning, a display of emotions I can't even describe to you.

My body was brought into a warm strong chest, my head lying on it, my arms around his torso, holding me tight as I wept my heart out. My body shook harder and harder but he held me, the flashes in my head getting worse and the whole scene playing again and again in my head.

"He killed her," I could not believe my own words, how could someone be so cruel to kill their heavily pregnant wife. A sob tore through me as I knew that I had to get out of here as fast as I could.

He held me tighter and tighter, his shirt getting damp from all my tears and it seemed like I cried for hours in his arms, not being able to stop the comfort he provided, making me feel safe to cry my heart out.

He tried pulling away but like a bear I clung even harder not wanting him to leave me, he made me feel as if everything would be better, as if I was going to be okay. He stood there not knowing what to do before climbing in bed with me, lying so that I lay on him, still with my dead grip around his body, never to let go.

He said something to the lady who soon left the room, closing the door. We stayed like that for a long time, no one saying a thing, my tears just flowing down as he held me. His large hand brushed up and down, trying to comfort me but I was too torn apart to be okay. I could not even begin to comprehend how someone could do that.

In my head I could see her face over and over again as panic had set in, trying to hold her stomach, trying to get away but too injured to do so, the blood on the floor something that could fill buckets.

Time passed, the room getting darker as I fell into a slumber only to wake up in panic, my arms searching to make sure he was still here and all my fears melting away, feeling him still holding me. I drifted in and out a couple of times, finally fluttering my eyes open to the scent of delicious food but who would think of food at this time? Who would think of food at such darkness?

"You should eat." His voice came as I shook my head being stubborn. Eating meant letting go of him and that was not happening. I tightened my grip, holding on for dear life, he would have to call on the hounds to rip me off because I was not letting go. I knew I was being childish but he was my source of comfort, he made me feel safe as my body shook, just the thought of Thomas coming to finish me off. I knew I should be dead, knew he had shot me or had he? I did not know but just too scared to even ask, I didn't want to know where he was. Didn't want to even think about him.

"I will feed you myself and you can hold my hand while you eat." He said, his words moving around my head as I thought. Yes, I would get to eat and I would be still holding his hand but I found myself shaking my head again. It was not good enough I didn't want to let go, afraid if I did Thomas would be here stabbing at me too, the images flashed in my head, the deranged look he had as he stabbed her over and over again and actually taking pleasure from it.

How had he even found her? Had she been running?

I didn't know, just closed my eyes, trying to fight the memory away but could not. I felt him shift under me, sitting on the bed as I shifted with him, couldn't he understand that I would not let go?

He sat, making sure I was okay, lay-sitting against him with his arms letting go of me but that was okay as I had got him. He grabbed something, the clutter letting me know it was a spoon moving against a dish. He brought the bowl in front of me, a hot delicious looking soup with chunks of chicken floating.

A spoon was brought to my mouth and I moved up my head, opening wide only for it to slip in, the soup warm and just sliding through my tongue like silk.

I should have never left the room, the thought hit me as I opened my mouth again.

The bowl was set back down, my stomach full and warm as I lay back down on his chest, sleep quickly taking me away.

My eyes opened to the darkness and the first thing I realised was that he was not here. Panic hit so hard the monitor went crazy, my eyes taking over the dark room, a scream nearly ripping through me. I looked around then the sound graced my eyes as I did not even waste time, tearing the needle away, blood dripping from my arm but never even noticed as I slipped out of bed. I was literally hop-running, throwing the door open and walking in the steamy bathroom, seeing his form in the shower yet that being enough as I stood in front of it my chest closing in, tears welling in my eyes.

Get out! I wanted to scream, everything going hazy around me, the room spinning and the door to the shower opening, his eyes on me as I quickly wrapped my arms around him.

Why did he leave me?

It was like heaven, everything drifting away as I could finally breath. I could finally see, taking in his fresh scent, it calming me down even though I was getting wet in the process, even though my blood was streaming down his naked body but I didn't care. I held on to his waist not caring about all that brushed against me. 

He looked perplexed on what to do but finally stepped out of the shower, closing the door, barely being able to walk with me in front of him, holding on like a deranged person.

Maybe I was deranged, maybe with all that has happened in my life my brain suddenly just kicked the bucket. Maybe I was losing it but it did not matter because when I held on to him it felt like all the pain and all the hurt along with the horror slipped away in my mind. He was my saviour at this point, in my mind he was the one keeping me from falling over the edge where I don't know if I would ever recover or not.

He tried drying himself but it not working as he finally gave up, walking back in the room, no other choice than to slip in bed totally naked.

My cheek was against his warm skin, I moved my face burying it in, my lips just touching his skin but who cared because I was way too deep to care as I held on. We stayed like that for some time, sleep not coming for me as I lay on him. His left hand was wrapped around my waist while the other brushed my hair gently, making me feel like a child again, making me feel as if nothing could get to me.

"Grandma had a stroke," His voice was distant, my heart clenching, new fresh tears falling from my eyes as I held on tightly to him as a source of comfort, not knowing what to say. Everything seemed to get darker and darker. I didn't know what to say or do, my heart breaking, praying to the lord to please protect her.