WICKED GAMES WITH THE MAFIA

HARD TO FORGET

My lips trembled as he sped away to no end, my eyes closed shut trying to stay calm, and trying to be strong but the truth was this was agony, it just felt like someone was shredding my insides with no remorse. Silence filled the car, no one uttering a word which I was grateful for as I fought the edge to vomit everything eaten in the last twenty-four hours. The car suddenly stopped and I had to look up, seeing that it was too early for us to have reached the house and as I thought, we had not. Mr Rosewood turned off the car with the rain making it impossible to see past the windscreen, the only thing being seen just lights, bright orange lights.

"What should I get you in there?" He asked staring at me in concern.

Wait, what?

"Umh, where are we?" I asked.

"Gas station, I don't think we will find an opened shop around here at this time."

"Okay, Umh, I can go with you to buy.."

"No, you are badly shaking and can barely talk. Just tell me what to get?" He asked.

"Okay, please get me pads. They are written night, the longest Umh, I don't know how to explain this."

"I will just ask for the longest....pads." He said, making a weird face, having me laugh at his discomfort.

"Yeah," I said as he opened his door closing it quickly after slipping out. I lay my head back on my knees, clenching my teeth, feeling it tear me apart as I held the tears in. I rocked my body back and forth while humming a tune, it being a destruction, taking my mind off the pain. The door opened, Mr Rosewood slipping in, carrying a plastic bag full of stuff and a cup on the other.

"I got you coffee, maybe it will help." He said as I peeked, my eyes open, the tune drifting away.

"Thank you but caffeine actually makes matters worse for me." I answered politely, being the thought that counts. He sighed opening the window and throwing the cup out.

"Hey, that's called littering." I said, giving him a nudge.

"No one saw me,"

"I did,"

"You don't count." He said, opening the plastic.

"So I got these, they said they were the longest they had in stock, I bought five packs. I hope they will be enough."

"I hope so too, thank you so much. This is so embarrassing." I said, shaking my head and taking the shopping bag.

"Why?"

"Having you buy me all this and the fact that you saw all that back there. I wish I could disappear."

"I will admit it was very scary and that odour." He shook his head, starting the car, making me laugh.

"We go through hell as if being punished and in turn have to take shit from you men who just take what you want not considering that we are also people." I said out of spite, ruining the mood not even knowing where that came from, my mind too far gone to check myself, my emotions getting the best of me. I turned around, staring at him and waiting for a response to get none. He drove, his face to the road, not sparing me a look. What could he say anyway? There was nothing for him to say because he knew I spoke truth and that was that.

I pressed on the radio and looked for a station with bearable music, finding none so we were stuck with the news to entertain us while he drove a little bit slower this time as the storm had hit, making it nearly impossible to see a few metres away. Fog crawled on the road, thick as ice. The rain fell with no mercy, so much so I was afraid it would break the windscreen while the harsh wind sent the trees swaying as if they would break, falling on the road. I wrapped my arms around myself, praying we would make it alright. Taking my mind from all the horrors that could befall us, I watched him shamelessly- I mean there was nothing else to look at. I stared at his nicely shaved face, perfectly chiselled jaw- a masterpiece indeed. He had dark green eyes that sent one shivering where they were, especially when he concentrated in such a manner, his thin long fingers on the stirring wheel occasionally shifting and turning the wheel with such ease it left me mesmerised. Who knew someone could look so good driving. I wondered what he was thinking, his face was covered by the emotionless mask he always wore, letting nothing slip even just for a second. I wondered what his fears and dreams were, wondered what had him weak to his knees because that would mean he was a human, it would mean he felt just as I felt.

The heat helped with the pain just a little bit but I found myself being able to bare it. I rocked myself back and forth again, my eyes closed now, trying to run away, my mind taking me to a place where it was all joy and happiness. The time seemed to pass by slowly as we ate the miles away, with him trying his level best to be fast in this brutal weather. Thirty minutes later I was being carried from the car into the rain, his body bent down, shielding me from the rain that drummed on his back, leaving his hair mopped together, dripping with large droplets falling to his face, making him something from a movie. I leaned on his chest as he strode in the house, the change of temperature making me shake, the heat fighting away the cold. He walked to the elevator, the house mostly dark with everyone turned in for the night.  He stepped inside, being greeted by the soft music that gave me comfort, letting me know that I would live another day. With the doors opening, he walked out, rushing to our room which was cool, making me shiver especially because the halls were warm.

"We are here," he said gently, walking to the bed, seeming relieved really but so was I because I was in this place that was my place of comfort for now, where I could just rip away all the layers and be me-well not really but almost. Panic had me wiggling out of his grasp with him lowering me to the covers.

"Please don't put me there, I will surely dirty your white sheets. I don't think I should even sleep in the bed because I may stain it while sleeping." I said, stepping on my two shaking feet nearly falling, my legs ready to give out yet a firm arm wrapped around my waist, holding me up.

"I have a thousand more white sheets with my name on them so you could dirty them all you want." He said, scooping me back up, it being something I was getting used to. His feet carried me to the bathroom as I held on to his shoulder, watching his face from where I lay in his chest. My heart drummed not for the reason you think but for another reason. His hands gripped my skin tight as if afraid I would slip. His chest was hard  and warm, his cologne wrapping itself around me, making me close my eyes only for a tear to slip because in that moment I had never felt so alone in my whole life.

The lights turned on as we walked in, closing the door behind him as I sucked in a breath, the pain shooting and leaving me quivering in his embrace, eyes closed skin cold and pale. My face was buried deep in the crook of his arms, trying to find comfort in the warmth, trying to draw strength. My teeth chattered, not from the cold that left my skin burning but from the pain that left my body in panic. It was so much so that my ears were ringing, blocking away the plopping sound of the warm water cascading down on the white claw foot tub that could carry more than two bodies. It was so much so that I folded myself his arms, a cocoon as if to protect me from the world but I knew better. Those same arms had torn me apart not many weeks ago. It was the heart fooling the mind with the sense of protection.

Cold air kisses my skin as the coat was taken away then slowly he tried to pry the dress from my body with no success so he ripped it apart so savagely it stood no chance-the fabric slipping away from my skin, floating to the ground where it lay, my body bare to him as he cradled it like a mother cradles a child. I could not help but wish this to be true, to have someone care and take care of you in such a manner. To have someone to hold you when you are in pain, to have someone to try and ease the pain away.

With everything pried from my body, he eased my body to the steamy hot water, leaving the bathroom misty, the water washing the blood that had been sticky on my skin, making me sigh, the warmth easing the pain away. I lay there, eyes closed, letting the warm water do their magic, making everything seem better.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked the question, springing out of my mouth, curiosity getting the best of me. I could not understand him, he was like a maze, just when you thought you understand him bam! You hit a wall. He seemed to be bipolar because today he was rude, the next ruthless followed by this man who was so kind you would find yourself falling.

"What do you mean?" He asked casually, pouring my shampoo on his hand before he buried them in my hair, rubbing my skull and making me literally purr as if I was a small kitty. His touch was a welcomed relief as he rubbed on, going in circle, feeling my eyes roll back in such innocent pleasure. I had to fight myself, a war between the heart and the mind. A false sense of security sending the heart at ease while my mind screamed. I found myself frozen, not sure what I was feeling or what I should be feeling. The water were suddenly cold as my heart drummed, feeling each stroke of his hand in my skull, moving in circles, innocent pleasure now turned into something so dark as I sat there, eyes open, staring blankly ahead, trying to calm myself down and trying to get a grip but failing. My lips quivered not from pain but from this feeling that crept from nowhere, leaving perplexed and paralysed.

He seemed so kind, seemed so caring it would have had my heart flutter. His touch soft and calming as if a lace of magic had been sprinkled on his hands. I did not want to feel this, did not want to be this scared as the tears welled up, my skin as cold as ice my whole body quivered. He withdrew his touch and it seemed I could breathe again. It seemed I could see again as my I tried willing my heart down.

The truth was I did not know what was happening. The truth was, I thought I was over this, thought I had finally put it behind me but here I sat shaking like a leaf. A wet cloth touched my skin, down my arm it went, leaving a trail of blue foam from my shower gel. I sat there frozen, wanted to tell him to stop but suddenly the words escaped me. I was shaking, purely scared, my screams filling my ears as he tore me apart so brutally. I suddenly wondered how he could be so cool, wondered how he could be so nice after doing all he had done. Maybe I was the one who was at fault here, maybe I was the one who just needed to get over it. Maybe just maybe I was over exaggerating really.


My eyes closed shut, a tear rolling down, my skin burning from his touch, holding myself in place not to jump away for the touch that had been welcomed a few minutes ago but suddenly had my skin crawl, suddenly the touch that had took the pain away left me broken inside. I did not understand how he could act as if he had done nothing. To him all was good, to him he had done nothing wrong and I was just a spoiled brat not knowing her place. Maybe I was, maybe I was. I wanted to fold myself into my own cocoon and disappear. I opened my eyes, the room blurry, trying to breathe in and out, in and out.


His hand went down as he washed me so carefully as if I would break. He made sure to go around my breast as if to respect me but what difference did it make. He had already touched them hadn't he? He had groped them so harshly leaving them bruised for weeks.   The truth was he was a monster and I would do good to keep that in mind.