Around and Around (boy x boy)

Chapter 14- October

I sat under a tree in the shade, even though it was chilly that day. I hadn't felt like going home, so there I sat at a park in town. School had let out about a half an hour earlier, but I wasn't in the mood to see anyone. I needed to be alone for a while. Zach had mentioned coming into town to get his other nostril pierced, so if I really needed to I could catch a ride back home with him, or I could just skate home! Zach... I sighed.

It had been about three weeks since Zach and I had sex and I still felt awkward around him. Since then he had asked it from me various times, but not as much as before. He kept insisting that the more we did it the less it would hurt, but I knew I wasn't going to want to for a long, long time. I still hadn't told him half the reason why that night upset me so much. I felt so manipulated.

Part of me wanted to reach out and explore more with him, but I was scared. Having sex had done nothing but make me feel more distanced from him. I wasn't sure how I would feel if we tried other things... We hadn't been interacting with each other too much since then. The only day we were affectionate with each other was on his twenty second birthday, which had been a week earlier. I felt so strange. I wasn't sure what was wrong or what I needed to feel better.

I sighed again and rubbed my eyes. I had so many thoughts and too much time to think about them. It was beginning to feel like being with Zach was hurting me much more than a relationship was supposed to. How would I know, though? This was my first serious relationship... maybe all of them were like that?

I looked up as a group of people passed ahead of me. People annoyed me so much lately. Just the sight of them aggravated me. I shifted in my seat and pulled out my pack of cigarettes. I swiftly got one out and lit it. After this cigarette I'll go home. I exhaled smoke into the cold air, closing my eye momentarily. It was so peaceful to be away from the stress of home.

As the days passed I noticed that it felt like a great weight was resting on my shoulders. I had been much more passive than usual. I ignored the jeers I got from students in the halls completely, I didn't talk back to teachers at all, and I hadn't been skipping class. I didn't feel like going through the trouble for such a small reward. I even found myself ignoring Zach the best I could. If I wasn't ignoring him, I was grouchy towards him. He wasn't too pleased with my attitude lately.

I flicked my cigarette to the side when I finished it and stood up. I suppressed a sigh before bending down to grab my skateboard, feeling slightly chilly suddenly. I walked towards the road slowly, not looking forward to going home. When I reached the sidewalk I began skating towards my house. It was such a familiar path I could probably have skated the whole way with my eyes closed.

After what felt like much too soon, I was skating down the driveway. Zach's car was there. I hadn't expected him to be home. I kicked my board up as I got closer to the house and grabbed it, walking the rest of the way to the door. I opened it, quickly stepping in before Killian had a chance to escape. I set my skateboard down against the wall and pet my dog's head. He was getting very big... His large tongue licked my hand and I laughed lightly.

"Is that you, Dylan?" I heard Claudia call from the kitchen. I already knew she was preparing dinner from the smell in the house.

"Yeah," I called back. I walked forward until I was standing in the archway leading to the kitchen.

"Oh. Where were you?" She asked, sounding concerned.

"I just stopped at the park on my way home," I told her.

"You were not doing anything bad, were you?" She asked, immediately sounding suspicious. I felt like rolling my eyes, but I would never disrespect her like that.