Solitude

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Kelly’s Point of View

            Robbins and I had arrived at the hotel less than a half an hour later. My mind was still spinning from everything that had happened. I wasn’t prepared for any of it. It reminded me of something though. I remembered all the people I’ve lost in my life in the past three years and how unexpected they all were. No one my age, or any age for that matter shouldn’t have to experience so much death in their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I was shocked from the death, but it didn’t have me sobbing in a corner hiding from the cruel world we live in.

            It’s sickening to believe that I’ve come accustom to death and that I’m not breaking down when it happens. It’s like I’m immune to feel sorrow for someone’s death. Sure, I’ve cried and hurt some, but I mainly free numb inside. I refused to let myself cry, but even if I did, I don’t think I’d be able too.

            I was now staring at myself in the bathroom mirror while the water for my shower got warm. I looked into my eyes no longer seeing the joyful, bright blue. Instead, all I saw was dull, lifeless gray, stained with bloodshot coloring from the lack of sleep from today. My hair was flat and colorless in my vision and the dirt and tangles weren’t helping how I saw myself. My face was stained with blue and black from bruises given to me by Kayden. There were tiny cuts running along my face and neck and all over my arms and legs from when I was in the woods.

            I wasn’t sure if this was depression, or being in shock from today’s events but I truly felt like nothing. I was scared of what would come later in life for mean and now that Kayden would be gone, I had nothing to worry about, right? I shook my head knowing I was lying to myself. I’d always worry; the terrible memories of the past three years would haunt me every single day of my life. I’d jump at every shadow, cringe at every noise made, always looking over my shoulder. It would never end; I’m going to be living in a constant circle of fear. It was never going to be over.

            I stepped into the shower, rising away the blood and dirt that covered me. I watched as a pool of reddish brown covered the bottom of the shower, slowly draining away until the water was clear once again. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body until I was sure that I was clean from head to toe. And once I was done, I had to admit I felt a thousand times better. Judging by the amount of steam in the bathroom, I’d been in the shower for at least an hour. If only my memories could wash down the drain with the water.

            I got dressed with the clothes Robbins had brought for me and dried my hair, wanting to see myself look decent again and add some color to myself. I looked at myself again in the mirror, happy to see my bright blonde hair, looking the best it had in days and my eyes were now a bright blue, looking better after a nice hot shower to relax them. Besides the lingering bruises, cuts and memories, I was alright for now.

            I walked out of the bathroom to see Robbins sitting on the bed, a pizza box in front of her and the television on. When she heard me open the door she smiled at me, and said, “I figured you’d be hungry.”

            A loud growl from my stomach confirmed her assumption. I gladly took some pizza and wolfed it down like I’d never eaten before. Kayden hadn’t given me much to eat so I was thankful that Robbins had gotten food for me. I don’t think I’ve eaten today actually, which is probably why I nearly ate an entire pizza. Robbins and I remained quiet while we ate and I was thankful for that because I wasn’t in the mood to talk yet. After I ate, I hadn’t realized that I’d fallen asleep until everything seemed to fade away.

            Everything around me was white. I was trapped inside a white room, with only a door. The white ceramic tiles surrounded me, seeming to enclose me. I felt like I was in some mental hospital where there were cameras watching my every move. Maybe I was crazy and I don’t remember how I got here. Had all the suffering finally took its toll? I walked over to the door and when I tried to open it, nothing happened. I was locked inside.

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