Always You

(28) Not Going To Wait Around

"Guess what?" Caira said as soon as I picked up the call. Amyra was on my lap, pulling on my hair. 

"What?" I asked. 

"The idea of the rant column is a huge hit. I have an amazing idea..," she said enthusiastically. "Why don't you be the one to write it?"

"Me? Write?" I asked surprised. 

"Why not? You were a journalism student before your M.B.A so I'm sure you know how to. Plus, it was your idea!"

"But I'm not a professional Caira," I replied. 

"But this is what so great about us! We are more relatable and approachable. Our fashion posts and videos are a huge hit because we show things related to the everyday girl, not Gucci and Prada. You're funny, you had a lot to say when we discussed the idea, why don't you write a sample piece?" 

We hadn't launched our offline magazine yet. We needed investors for that. But our online page named  'Urbane' had picked up five thousand likes on Facebook, fifty thousand subscribers on Youtube and twenty thousand followers on Instagram in just over two months. That was all because of Caira and her connections with a lot of social media stars. We also maintained twenty-four fresh content on all our pages.  I never thought my name would ever be associated with the word 'founder' and 'CEO' but here I was. All thanks to Caira who saw something in me and decided to add me to her journey. 

The bell rang and that probably meant that Aman was here. 

"Alright! You have made your point. Let me get back to you on that," I said. 

"That's my girl," she said and hung up. 

I heard Aman greeting my mom in the hallway and two minutes later he was in the living room as well.  

Amyra's face lit up as soon as she saw him and he took her in her arms, covering her in kisses and she kept giggling.  

"Walking already? You're going to leave your dad so soon?" he said and she nodded while giggling as if she could understand what he was saying. 

We played around with her for thirty more minutes but it was her bedtime and my mom put her to bed. 

"How long are you going to stay here?" he asked. 

"For a long time," I said. 

"Mira..," He began. "About last night.."

"Yes?"

"I'm so, so sorry. I should not have reacted this way, baby," He said. "This is just not something I was expecting."

"And I was?" I asked him, getting up from the sofa. I could feel myself get angry again. "You are like a ghost Aman in the past few weeks. It is like you're not even there. I have no one to talk to, share this whole magazine thing with! You behave like you're the only with stress in your life. I am scared about this pregnancy. I wanted to concentrate on my career, not this! But you just ran away!"

"Mira, I was gone for a night and I'm back right?"

"Oh, okay. Well, I need a night away from you too so why don't I talk to you when I'm ready to?" I turned around and began to walk away. He pulled me back, his eyes looked confused like he was looking for the right words to say. "Mira, I..," he started to say but stopped and kissed me instead. 

But this kiss was different. I didn't feel a thing. It felt like I was kissing a stranger. Like all this distance he put between us was too much for me to cross and come over and feel the same way as I used to. It just didn't feel good. 

Everything felt different. I couldn't talk to him like I used to. His presence used to make me so happy but right now, I felt nothing. He touched me and I felt nothing. He kissed me and I felt nothing. Whenever he would kiss me, I would enter a different world where reality no longer existed and now I was waiting for it to be over. 

"Baby I.."

"What?" I asked.  I was excited to see Aman hoping that seeing him will melt the uncertainty and confusion of the past few weeks away but they were higher than ever before. 

"I don't know what to say," he said.

"And I'm not going to stick around waiting for you to say something. I have been doing that for months," I said. "I need some time to think Aman."

**

"You know how Vodafone really sucks right now? No matter where you are, the voice always breaks?" I asked Rhea who had come over for lunch.

"Yes," she said.

"Well, that is how my relationship with Aman feels right now," I said while digging into the pasta.

"I think you're thinking too much," she said. "You will be fine as soon as he realizes what an ass he has been."

"That's the thing, Rhea," I said. "Maybe he is not being an ass. Maybe he feels it too."

"Feels what?"

"Our connection breaking," I said.