Always You

(17) Clarity

Here is a thing. 

Relationships aren't easy. I don't mean that they are bad or anything it just means that it takes work. I did not realize that before. This is where I am more of a child and Aman is more of a grownup. We switch those positions in different areas of life and here, he takes the top. 

Exhausted, I laid on the bed with him with my head on his chest. He was slightly caressing my back with his finger tips. 

"I didn't want to ignore you Mira. The first thing I wanted to do after coming back was hug my wife, not let her go to some fancy event dressed so beautifully, with her ex," he interjected in the midst of my thoughts. "Last year, the business wasn't making as much profits, that's why I had to leave immediately for Mumbai." 

He was talking about last year before Amyra. Before we separated. When I had a miscarriage and just two weeks later, he left for Mumbai for two months. After he returned, I had asked him for a divorce because things were already so hard for us and then he wasn't even there when I was so depressed and low. 

"Why are we talking about this now?" I asked. We had already gone past all of that. 

"Because one of my friends was ready to invest. Only thing he wanted was for me to set up everything over there with him not here," he replied. "I didn't know how to talk about this with you because you were so depressed. If I hadn't done anything about this then we could have lost everything, Mira. I could have lost us this house. There just wasn't any money coming. You weren't going to work either, obviously and I wouldn't have asked you to.

He paused. His fingers started playing with my hair instead. "But I knew asking you to move to Mumbai with me at that time would have been too much. You were already depressed, the last thing you needed at that time was leaving your job, family and friends. So, I had to make a deal with him. We would split business and work as two branches. I had contacts and the customers and he brought in the money needed at the time. All of those things, the legal stuff it took time but I made sure that we didn't have to move."

"Aman," I asked. I was so shocked. "You never told me this!" 

"How could I? You were depressed before this, you hardly talked or spoke and when I came back you demanded to leave me," he finished. It all makes sense now. 

"And now he has sued me for fraud. Your ex's company was adamant that they wanted to work with me. Money was flowing in and I decided to buy out my share of the company. This was before this big account was finalized. But that bastard found out and in order to make money that really isn't his, he has  has sued me for fraud. The initial investment was his, so I have to go fight there in Mumbai."

"Oh honey," I said. "I wish you would have told me."  I really did. He has gone through his own fair share of troubles and I wish he didn't feel the need to do so. 

"It's alright Mira," he replied. He planted a kiss on my forehead. "But then I wonder how am I suppose to feel being in Mumbai that my wife got offered a job and presumably everyone else even her ex-boyfriend know about it but me?"

He continued. "Also, yes it scared me that you would move out of the country. Mira, you know that I won't stop you from achieving your dreams, ever. But the very idea of you and our daughter living in another country? Of course, I freaked out!"

I wish he hadn't assumed that I was going. I know I should have told but I was just scared because things had gotten right between us just recently and we were finally living happily. A part of me really wanted to take the job but a part of me was hell scared to leave her family behind. 

"I'm sorry, Aman," I said. I knew the word sorry wasn't enough. He hated being apologies from me anyway. "I just hate missing you. I become stupid when you're not around and I wouldn't do anything that would require  you to hardly see Amyra," I added. 

"And you," he said and looked at me skeptically. "Right?"

"Right," I replied. 

But Aman was dumb too if he was being insecure about my ex. There are going to be some people in your life who will say all the right things at all the right times. They will make you feel wonderful, maybe beautiful. There words will be full of honey and maybe some actions too. 

He might have a huge bank account to offer you a comfortable life or she could look like a supermodel. But the truth that most of us don't realize is that these things provide superficial happiness. These are just temporary not forever. Otherwise all supermodels, actors and billionaires would have been the happiest people in the world and yet we find most alcoholics, drug-induced suicides here only. 

Truly you're happy with someone when you have found someone you can share a cup of coffee with in your PJs. Someone who is going to stay by you through thick and thin. Someone who accepts you not because they are aware of your all good qualities but also for bad ones. 

Aman knew more about me than others. He knew what I was without any makeup. He knew my weaknesses. He had seen the bad qualities and he had stayed through a lot of things in my life. I wasn't going to throw all of that away just because things were hard between us at times. 

Not this time. 

I wish I had known this before so that we would have never had to through that divorce ordeal. I wish I hadn't put him through all of that. 

"Yeah, we have been so busy in the past few months that there really has been no chance to talk, right?" he replied. 

"I guess," I replied. 

"Then baby, how about you and I go someplace else for a while?Just out of the city. We can leave this weekend," he said with excitement in his voice. 

"Sounds perfect," I replied. 

"Then when we come back, we can figure out all your work situation." 

"Agreed" I promised. 

**