Always You

The Joblessness

"Coming!" I shouted from our bedroom. Swiftly applying some concealer over my light dark circles and applying some lipstick, I ran outside. "What is it?" I asked my husband who was looking as handsome as ever in a black shirt and navy blue jeans. But his handsome face had an expression of confusion on it. 

"Sorry, I just wanted you to see that  I got her all dressed today and now she is having her breakfast," he said triumphantly.  Looking behind him,  I saw my baby girl, Amyra dressed in a little blue dress and a bib around her neck. Yes, daddy had definitely provided a bottle of baby formula to his girl but she was struggling to drink it. 

"Aman, she is almost eight months old. She still can't pick up the bottle herself and drink it while sitting," I pointed knowingly and he turned his back around to see the struggling little baby. "You need to lay her down." 

"Right," he said and got into action. "So are you excited about the interview?"  he asked while carrying Amyra to the bedroom. She was always smiling and giggling around Aman. She loved pulling on the hair of his beard and he let her, of course. 

I called in a few favors and arranged an interview with a luxury band. I was scheduled to meet them in about two hours. Fashion was something I had always been passionate about. "I'm kind of really excited although getting the job is not going to be easy," I replied while looking for my handbag.  

Ever since I had to resign from my old job because they were going to let me go anyway, I had been looking at other options. I was upset for a little while about losing it but got over soon. There was hardly any time to think about it anyway if you have just become a mother. 

"You are going to blow them away baby, don't worry and I don't mean literally", he said. 

"That was a lame joke, honey" I said  in a mock sweet tone.  Checking up my face one last in my phone's front camera, I sighed. Make up was something I used to be good at and now I'm mostly so tired due to lack of sleep, that applying even a moisturizer seems like an achievement. 

It was the first interview I was giving and honestly, I had mixed feelings about it. Not the interview part but the part where I might get the job. I didn't want to be a mother whose kids knew the nanny better and not me. 

But lately, I feel like my life is going in the direction in which I never wanted it to be in. I'm a stay at home wife with only purpose in life being taking care of Amyra. I sometimes feel so guilty thinking this way because I absolutely love her and I have never loved someone in my life as much as I have love Amyra. 

And being home has helped me mend my relationship with Aman. After being separated for so many months, we have been finally together ever since Amyra was born. I feel like the former trust and affection has finally come back in the relationship. 

But he is getting busier and busier now, which I don't feel so good about at times. I love the fact that he is passionate about something and working hard towards it. His business is really thriving and it is all because of his hardwork. But he comes home late and his weekends are equally busy. He helps with Amyra most of the time but he has a life other than his family. 

I envy him. 

I'm in such a dull phase right now, I don't even enjoy talking to anyone else. In the past few months the only person I have hung out with most of the time has been my husband or shared everything with is him. 

Which is a good thing. But with him being busy, I feel alone at times. 

Most of the time.

That's why I need to be busy too. I need something exciting or spontaneous, otherwise I will always be in this dull mood. 

But what?

"At least eat  something Mira, before leaving," Aman said while cradling Amyra in his arms. Was it weird that I really  found it sexy whenever he was with Amyra? It is like a man looks ten times better when he is with kids. Or am I the only one who thinks this way? 

"Already late, baby" I said gesturing at my watch while walking towards the door. "Call me if anything happens."

"Nothing will happen. All the best," he called after me. 

                                                                 **

"Welcome back," Aman said as I came inside with my spare key. "How was the interview?" he asked.

"It went well but I'm not feeling it.." I said. Making selling perfume strategies was not something I would call spontaneous or exciting. Amyra was sitting on Aman's lap and started smiling widely as soon as she saw me. 

"Looks like she missed her mom," Aman said as I got her in my arms. "So, honey, I just got a call and looks like I have to be in Mumbai for a week. Is that okay?"

"Of course, honey" I replied. Aman began getting ready to leave for work. "When do you have to leave?"

"Haven't booked the flight yet but it is most likely will be tomorrow morning," he smiled and kissed my cheek. "See you tonight, baby."

"Say bubyee Amyra," I said to my almost eight months old little girl who obviously just came up with sounds of her own when she saw Aman leave. Couldn't even kiss Aman goodbye because otherwise she would start crying and I had to distract her. Sometimes she didn't even notice and sometimes she would cry when he left. 

As I got done with diaper duty, I got a call from my best friend, Rhea. "Guess what?" she screamed as soon as I said hello. 

"What?" 

"Wait, I have to meet and tell you this in person," she said excitedly. 

"No, tell me now because now I got butterflies in my tummy," I said impatiently. 

"Really? Are you pregnant again?" she asked, sounding a little surprised. Why would I be pregnant with butterflies?

"Noooo, that was a meta..anyway, what is it?"

"Hold up, babe. I am coming over in like twenty minutes," and then she hung up. 

I'm hoping that it is good news. 

**