Always You

(19)Fear

This weekend Aman had asked me to go away with him. It was our third wedding anniversary as well. I was really excited about it. We would complete three years as a married couple. Well if you don't count the separation in between.

I was supposed to see Caira was for lunch and then Aman was going to pick me up. As if now it was early in the morning and Aman and I were just having coffee. 

"Baby", he began. "1095 days of being married. Can you believe it?"

"It doesn't feel like that way," I replied. "Feels like just yesterday when we went for our first date."

I always thought that relationships became boring after awhile. That wasn't the case. They do evolve and change but not boring. 

He kissed my cheek. "We have been through a lot in these past few years but came out stronger than ever."

He was referring to our separation. Then our almost divorce. After that we lived together only to stop living together. Then finding out that I was pregnant. Then living together again. Then falling for each other again. But then I almost died due to a complicated pregnancy. 

Then I lost my job but we made it work. He became extremely busy lately but we made it work.

We sure had gone through a lot of things in the past few years. Each time we stuck together. 

"Aman, why do you think that is?" I asked. 

"Why what is?"

"What makes us be together even though we have been through a lot?"

He looked confused and then smiled. "Because we like being with each other."

I looked at him skeptically. "That's it? That's the explanation for it ?"

I knew he was bad with words but I didn't expect him to be bad with expressing feelings. Or did he have none to express after all this time with me?

"Mira what do you want to hear? Because we love each other? That is so cheesy."

Well, now it definitely is. 

"That's all I am to you? Someone you like being with?" I asked. His answer was disappointing and made me feel stupid. 

All the things we went through and still stayed through together was it because we liked being with each other?

I LIKE BEING WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE. NOT ALL OF THEM ARE MY HUSBANDS.

Was it me or did I marry someone heartless? There was supposed to be one person in this whole world who should see you differently than others. I should at least be a tiny bit special to him. And he had no idea why he liked being with me. 

"Mira, what's wrong?" Aman asked. He looked confused. 

"Nothing" I said and got up from the dining chair. "Let me go check on Amyra."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards himself. "Amyra is still asleep," he said. "Why are you upset with me?" 

"Why do you like being with me?" 

"I don't know," he said. "I just do."

Amazing. To say I wasn't hurt would be a lie.

"Is that why you were upset when I was in the ICU? Because you possibly wouldn't be able to be with someone who you liked being with?"

"And who would breastfeed our daughter," he joked. 

"That's all I am in your life? A freaking milk factory?"

He laughed. "Milk factory? Where do you come up with this stuff?"

"You think I'm in the mood to joke?"

He became serious. Or at least his expression did. 

So I continued, "and if love is such a cheesy word then maybe you shouldn't say it anymore."

How dumb is he. Is that why I gave up my dream job in Milan? Because I liked being with him?

He had reduced our relationship to nothing within the space of two minutes. 

"Mira, please" he said. "You're blowing this out of proportion. You're the only one I like being with, isn't that special?"

Sounds like something someone says in the first month of dating. 

"Aren't you late for work Aman?" 

"Mira..." he tried but we both heard Amyra crying. I headed straight for her room and a few minutes later, Aman left for work. 

In the afternoon, I got dressed in a pair of jeans and a white tee. I dropped Amyra off at my mother's place and headed towards the nearby bistro where Caira and I had agreed to meet. 

She was already there when I reached. Her engagement ring sparkled in the light and it was nearly blinding. "How long since you have been engaged?"

"About six months," she replied. "It was the most beautiful proposal."

Mine wasn't anything like that. In fact there wasn't even a ring involved even though I always fantasized about it. 

But still I liked it because what I wanted most was him. 

I guess because I like being with him. Sarcasm fully intended. 

There was no word from Aman except a text asking me the time at which he should pick me up. I didn't reply and he knew I had seen the message. 

So he texted with " I guess your expectations are too high". 

Too high? Did I ask him to build Tajmahal for me or open his chest to reveal my picture? Did I ask him to tattoo my name on his chest or ask him to drink poison for me?

In the middle of my morning frustration still hounding over me and Caira telling me about her lazy boyfriend who wouldn't set up a date for the wedding, I ended up sharing my heart to heart with her. 

"He loves you very much and that's why you guys stayed together. The dude doesn't want to spend his life without you," she said smilingly. "What else could it be?" 

"You're saying it for him, not him," I replied. 

"Men are idiots and their brains exist in their knees. They feel that expressing their feelings make them less manly. You should just ignore it."

I don't think that is the case with Aman. He just doesn't have any feelings to express. It's all practical in nature. 

I like you, I will be with you, okay, peace out. 

"Anyway, you would forget all about how dumb men are when I tell you this," she said excitedly. "I want to  start my own digital magazine."

"That's amazing," I replied. 

"Not as amazing as who I want my partner to be. Youuu," she said, emphasizing on the you. "Seriously think about it. You have the required connections with a lot of brands and models thanks to your last job. I even got Vivaan sir to back us up. We would need a solid sponsorship but otherwise I really feel that we can make this happen."

And suddenly all my problems faded away towards the hope for a bright new future. 

A/N:

I love it when you guys comment. It encourages me to update as soon as possible! ;) Whose side would you be on in this fight? ;P

until next time 

xoxo