It Takes a Wolf

Chapter 1: Denial

Love is life's biggest hypocrite; the ultimate two sided coin. On one side it is bright and warm, consuming with the purest feelings of joy, happiness, and comfort, but what one is never prepared for is the darkness concealed perfectly behind it, waiting patiently for its chance to strike. It takes only a moment, the bat of a lash or a single breath and the coin is flipped, allowing the dark side to consume with pain, regret, and loneliness. Ellenwen was experiencing the dark repercussions of love. She had been suffering from the emotional anguish of a broken heart for three years, any memories she had of happier times felt so long ago. Her mind and body became weary from lack of sleep. She couldn't remember the last time she had a restful night, most certainly not from a lack of trying. Yet, no matter how hard she tried she never gained refuge from the lull of the Fade.

    Another day had come and gone like so many before. Days and nights began to melt together, causing time to all but lose its purpose. She found herself, once again lying in her bed, frustration settling in as her only comfort. She huffed, kicking the heavy blankets away from her fatigued body, like a child throwing a tantrum. She leaned over the side of her bed, staring down at the stone floor between her dangling feet. This is becoming unbearable, she thought. She closed her eyes, breathing in deeply when he crept into her mind. The one who caused these painful feelings of rejection, and loneliness. Her mind, unforgiving, began to replay flashes of his smile, his laugh, the fierce look of determination his eyes held, the taste of his lips against hers. Her heart tore the slightest bit more with each blissfully painful memory that plagued her. How could he? No. How dare he. Not only did he take her heart just to crush it under his heel, but now he assaulted her mind by flooding her every thought.

    Unable to take the thoughts that throttled her restless mind she stood from her bed abruptly, the soles of her feet smacking against the cold stone floor as she paced back and forth. This had become her routine every night. Her mind and body begging for peace, but neither allowing her the rest she desperately needed. She glanced around the room, hoping to find a solution when she decided to go to the balcony. Throwing open the doors, the cool mountain air caressed her skin, the smell of fresh soil filling her senses. She used to love it out here, the view used to impart a sense of calm to her soul, but now it held too many memories of him. What was once a place of refuge for her to escape the world and its troubles, now became just another place to avoid.

                    "Ar lath ma, Vhenan."

    He told her he loved her for the first time in this very spot. She gritted her teeth, slamming her fist on the balconies beam as she recalled the intimate moment. "Stop!" She shook her head, trying to forbid her mind access to the memory when she breathed in deep, calming breath to center herself. "I am Ellenwen Lavellan, leader of the Inquisition, The Herald of Andraste, Defeater of Corypheus, Savior of Thedas." But none of that mattered. After the great battle against Corypheus was won he vanished, leaving a hole in her heart no amount of drinking or fighting for the right cause could ever fill. However, when he left she refused to let him go quietly. She wanted answers. She deserved them and by the Creators she would have them. After searching tirelessly for two years she finally found him, though nothing could prepare her for what she was about to learn.

            "Solas, you're Fen'Harel, you're the Dread Wolf."

                    "Well done, Vhenan."

    Her heart ached in her chest as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. "No!" She growled, slamming her fist against the cold stoned beam once again. She could feel a tingling sensation run through her hand as it began to grow numb, but she didn't care. She had to stay strong, for the Inquisition, for her friends, for all of Thedas. "Fenedhis lasa!" She cursed, growing more angry with herself the more she let it upset her. She looked up at the night sky, admiring the stars that twinkled like diamonds in a sea of black. She breathed in deeply, silently praying to the Creators for comfort when her mind wandered to the familiarity  of the past.