How To Love✓

12.

Amara

It takes me a moment process what was happening.

I gently pushed on his chest to stop him from continuing any further and detach our lips from each other. I found myself breathing uncontrollably which made him wrap his arms around my waist, lift me up with one hand, tank in his other and carries me over to my bed.

He lays me down gently and places a pillow under my head, resting the tank at the foot of the bed. Being considerate, he knees next to me and places a hand over my forehead.

"You're burning Amara," he whispers. "Are you having a panic attack?"

I nod shakily. Maybe the unexpected connection brought me to an undesired state. I sat upright and a hand instantly flew to my chest, the other pointing to the drawer where I stored the nebulizer. He goes over to get the item and places the rim of the can between my dry lips and puffed the top to inhale the fumes.

I forcefully grip his hand. I needed someone more than ever in this moment, no matter who, and I wasn't ready for him to go yet. "Please don't leave me. I-I-I-I'm scared. Don't leave me." He hastily takes off his sneakers and climbs unto the bed behind me and cradles me like a baby.

"I wouldn't. I wouldn't," he reassures me. Lucien brings his hand up and I fight the urge to flinch away. What was he doing? The pad of his thumb captures the tear that absentmindedly escaped my left eye and I cool down at the gentle touch.

Who is this being and where had the arrogant Lucien disappeared to? My breathing goes normal and my tight chest loosens, his fingers caressing my pale cheeks passionately.

"You're no good for me," I choke out, tilting my head up to look at him.

"You can't deny your feelings Amara. I try.....every time I do, your innocence haunts me and I'm left coming back to you," he says softly, moving a strand of hair away from my eyes.

"You're going to hurt me Lucien."

"I can't promise you I won't Amara. I can't, I'm human.....so far from perfect....But I want you.... I want you all to myself...."

"Are you okay now?" he coos. I nod, my throat too hoarse to let out verbs. "Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep?" he asks and I nod again. "Yes please."

I shudder when he wraps his arm around me and the night soon drowns out as he pulls the cover over our bodies and I'm left to only dream the rest.

***
Every step I took felt as if it were weighed down by an anchor as I walked further away from his sight. I returned to the cabin in a frenzy, sitting down on the porch steps to steady my breaths and process the events of last 24 hours. The sun began to set as I awaited his presence beside me.

Eventually the skies were no longer blue but a welcoming mixture of pink and purple. It felt as if hours passed until his figure emerged from out into the forests. My head snapped instantly unto his contented features and I couldn't help but admire the way he stood shirtless infront of me, his upper body sweating profusely to the extent of turning me on.

I strode over to his position on the patio and wrapped my arms around his neck, ignoring the sweat.

"What took you so long?" I whisper and he connects our lips against each other. At that moment, I knew I was home.

***

I woke up the next morning with an unreadable sign of gloom.

"What's going on between you and Lucien?" I hear Syl's voice ringing from across the room.

I groan and laid back on the pillow. "Nothing. He just.....I had a panic attack last night and he stayed with me until I fell asleep." I open my eyes and moved my gaze to her. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, feet crossed, her stare unreadable.

"Where is Lucien by the way?" I ask.

"Well when I came back this morning, by the way it's almost 8, he sat on the couch and watched you sleep. He only left just before you woke up," she explained.

I squinted my eyes in confusion. "He did?"

She only nods and walks over to her closet to get an outfit for today I smile to myself and threw the duvet off of me to get ready myself.

"All I could say," I start, "is that he was a completely different person last night."

She arches an eyebrow. "In what way or ways could Lucien King be different?"

"I don't know," I say, unsure myself. "He was gentle and patient and even though he was a bit stubborn, he was really wonderful to me last night."

"Looks like it was more than making sure you were 'alright'," she mumbles.

"Gosh I can't believe you two are messing around. I thought you guys hated each other? Well Lucien hates everybody. I just thought his hatred for you was different. How did this happen?" She questions, eyeing me harshly, as if she's jealous or upset that Lucien and I are... well that we've encountered each other so many times.

I laid my clothes on the bed and ran a hand through my hair. "We aren't messing around Syl. We were arguing and I was about to yell at him when he kissed me," I explained, which resulted in her to smirk, "and after, I had a breakdown. But that was it."

"You know you could learn a lot from him," she suggests. I take a seat on my bed and she joins me.

I furrow a brow at her with a straight face. "Learn? A lot?"

"Yeah like sex and how to give blowjobs and he could even teach you how to suck each other's tongues a-"

I raise a hand to stop her. "Why would I even want to learn those things? I'm decent and I'm not even ready."

She sighs. "You're probably right. I don't want you with someone like him anyways."

"Can I ask a question?"

"Shoot."

"How many.....friends with benefits did he have?" I couldn't help but ask even though I knew that I didn't want to.

"He's a......pretty active guy I must say," I knew she was trying to hide the guilt of her being one so I mentally decide not to bring it up again.

"But he never meant to.....hurt anyone's feelings. Girls around here literally throw themselves like idle pieces of meat towards him like they don't have anything better to do," she adds with an eye roll.

"And he gives in to them?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"When it comes to benefitting from something, he'd do anything. But it shouldn't pin him as a jerk. I mean yeah, everyone does some pretty messed up things, but he's only human."

I chewed on my lip in thought of him. I couldn't process in my head that Lucien didn't leave, that he watched me sleep, that he cares for me. Maybe it was just a one time thing.

Or maybe he was changing.

***

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