How To Love✓

39.

Lucien

The walk back to my dorm was uninviting. It must've been known by now throughout campus that Amara was in the hospital. I heard so many whispers and rumors that she got ran over, got hit by a car, died even. People came up to me and consoled me, saying how sorry they felt for me for what happened, hugged me, hell I even had one guy offer to do an assignment for me, and I didn't even know what class we shared! They kept acting like Amara was dead which made me extra guilty.

I just kept walking, brushing the stares and the whispers off until I was in my dorm. Finn, who happens to be my roommate, was busy lifting weights, when he noticed me enter and stops.

"Hey man, sorry to hear what happened," I grunt and throw myself on my bed. "This is probably the umpteenth apology I've heard since I've stepped foot on campus. I don't need any condolences, I'm not the one who's lying on a hospital bed."

He whistles, sitting on the edge of his bed to face me. "You're right, sorry. Lina came and... told us what happened. I will say, she does feel bad for wrecking your relationship. It was the first time I've seen her concerned about someone other than herself."

"I'll believe it when I hear the apology come out from her mouth," I hiss.

"Do you think she'll ever be okay?" he asks. I sit upright and turn to face him.

"She'll be okay. I," I sigh, harshly rubbing my face.

"I don't think you should beat yourself up about this. You were always true to Amara and she knows that you love her. Heck, the whole school knows and we all agree that you're soulmates. You didn't mess up and you didn't let her down. Things happen for a reason. Just .. be there for her," he suggests, looking at me solemnly.

"I think me being in her life is causing her more pain than she already endures. Goodness, I have so many people telling me to be there for her, but what about my decisions? What if I decide that she's better without me huh?" I flare.

"Life isn't fair Lucy, but whatever decision you make, just know the real ones will always be there to support you."

***

I spent the next few hours driving to visit Mr. Chester to describe the events that occurred in the last 48 hours. The sun was out and the wind was blowing through the trees. I could feel the heat on my skin but the cool breeze kept it nice.

A car ride was something I really needed, just to get away from reality. here, I can let my brain roam free and my heart explore new thoughts. Every day when I drive, I find that there are fairly long stretches when my mind wanders but I seem to manage to stay on the road, making all the right turns. How am I doing that without crashing or going off the road? How is my brain compensating for my lack of attention? I let my thoughts wander to how crazy life has been these past few weeks.

The people I've met, the things I've done, the new experience and the memories I've made. Never would I have thought that love would be a part of it all. My love life in the past is one heck of a story and for the most, I never had great mentors or role models to teach me all about it. I never could've figured out the strength that comes out of meeting some as equally or... more mature than you, someone who could share into the memories you create and can look back on them together.

When I met her, it's like she felt my pain. She accepted my flaws, the flaws that gave her so many warning signs to run and never come back. The day I met her I knew that she was my soulmate and you may think it's an ironic thing to say when we've only known each other for 3 months, but, that's what I've always felt. But the outside; well let's just say it wasn't some romantic movie ending in a kiss in the rain. We faced so many setbacks and challenges throughout our relationship, but our souls always found ways to come back to each other - even if at times we tried our best not to, thinking it was for the greater good.